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My 16yr old is tearing my family apart

We just got transfered to Bahrain and will be here for at least two years. My 16yr old has decided he hates it here and won't even give it a chance. I know the move has been really hard on him, it's been hard on all of us but he thinks we should allow him to move back to the states to go live with his friend. I have been thinking about letting him go visit for a few weeks but his dad is afraid that if we let him go we won't get him back. (his friend's mom has already told him that he could live with them) This has caused a lot of fighting and I don't know what to do any more.

 
sammiesmom2000

Asked by sammiesmom2000 at 6:32 PM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (87 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • he will get used to it. its new and some kids dont like new things they dont adjust well but i wouldnt let him go stay with a friend until he gets used to living there first because he may not come back then you will have to hunt him down!lol goodluck
    4lyfe56

    Answer by 4lyfe56 at 6:38 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • That's a rough one, what a huge change in his life! Yours to for that matter, I have no clue what I would do if I was in that situation, but wanted to say good luck!
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 6:43 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • My daughter moved in with a friend when she was 17 because I was tired of her making our life miserable and we didn't even move. She is 22 and has never come back home. She actually got her own apt at age 18 and our relationship is better now but we really did not have much contact for a couple of years. It was hard but life goes on.
    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 6:53 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Maybe instead of letting him go visit his friend, maybe you can have his friend come visit you guys for a few weeks, and maybe it will make the trasition a little easier on him.
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 6:54 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • 16 is hard anyway...and to top it off he was moved away from everything he knew....complete culture shock in the middle of coming into his own...im sorry hes become such a hard kid to handle...i can only imagine...but i dont really see him calming down..he doesnt WANT to give it a chance, so he wont..you cant make someone do something they dont want to...the question is how do you still get him to respect it, and deal....thats tough...my mom pulled that crap on me, thankfuly she had to move back home because of her...i was miserable..on the verge of suicide, and she didnt even notice..it still hurts, and until recently resented the hell out of her for uprooting me the way she did!! ...you just have to weigh your options with this one...GOOD LUCK!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 10:07 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • He was moved from the United States, where he has friends, knows that culture, the laws, the foods, etc to a foreign country where he has no friends, doesn't know anything about where he is living. I would let him move back to the states with his friends parents or another relative. I really don't think I would be moving my kids to a foreign country, especially in the middle east. He could be feeling lonely, scared, lost. I also wouldn't let my kid visit a friend in a foreign country, the cost alone would be unrealistic, as would the process to get him a passport.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:00 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • I completely agree with tyfry.  16 is a difficult age enough without moving to an entire other country.  Did you have to move?  Was it discussed with him before hand?  How did he react?  I'm not saying that the decision to move or not should be in the hands of a 16 year old, but he is old enough where his feelings should have been taken into consideration.  We already moved once to another state for my promotion (my son was 7 at the time) but we still discussed it with him.  He also asked that we do not move again until after HS. I agreed, and have passed up promotions to keep my promise to him. But its worth it to know he is settled and happy.
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 1:17 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • We had no choice, my husband's company was closing the US office and lots of people have lost their jobs in our city. My husband looked for other employment before we gave his company an answer but we would have lost our home and ended up on welfare. We sat all the kids down and discussed it in length. He wasn't thrilled with the idea but he understood and said he could deal with it but now he has decided he hates it. We have told him to give it one year and if he still hates it then when he's 17 we will let him move back and even get him his own apartment if thats what he wants, which he agreed to at first but is now not happy with that deal, living with family is not an option right now my in-laws live in a senior park and my mom doesn't have the room. My biggest worry about him going to stay with his friend is his friend's dad is a very vocal racist.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 2:20 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

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