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What do you think of this??

I have been with my husband for 5 years. The whole time I have known him he has been a low energy kind of guy. That is fine with me. I can have fun my way and he can his way. We compromise on doing fun things together. However, we tried going out dancing but he hates it bc he likes doing very little. Anyways, we each get alone time so we can recharge and we have our own interets ect. I ask him to do things with me and he says he will but then he bails out because he just is lazy. I mean I think he is very lazy. We have a 6 year old who loves to play outside. He will play with her but he doesn't like to go outside. He likes to watch tv and movies and get on the computer. Not much else. I see more and more that we are really different. What would you do if your husband never wanted to do anything? With you or the kids...or for himself even?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Jun. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Do your own thing with your child and let him know hey you need to step outside sometimes.

    It's good for your health too.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 6:42 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Do you think that maybe its something deeper like depression? I'd maybe see if he would go to the doctor and get some meds.
    HolliBerry21

    Answer by HolliBerry21 at 6:52 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Throw the TV away, unplug the darn computer and kick his sorry ass out of the couch because he created this child with you, therefore he needs to raise the child with you. As parents many times we are tired, exhausted, or needing a brake, we can't live in a permanent brake.

    How come he has the energy to be in front of the computer but not to play ball with his child? He is getting away with it and you are enabling him and your child is at the short end of his selfishness. Show him this response and I am serious, put the kids' needs ahead of his need to do what he likes to do which is nothing. there is no medical condition good enough for an excuse to show little interest in your children.

    Do you really want to be remembered as the mom who would enable his dh to ignore his children and to not wanted to be involved in their lives?
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 7:13 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Just have scheduled family time that you can both agree upon.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 7:18 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • I would make a jouranl on what he does and how long he does those activities u talk about then sit him down and make him look and read and then tell him how you feel about it. Stand up for yourself honey, if he doesn't do anything he will gain weight and maybe be depression will start to happen and then later on down the road the kids will act like him and they won't wanna do homework then you will have fun. good luck honey
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Keep planning activities that I enjoy doing. Invite him to come with me. If he does, that's wonderful. If he chooses not to, go ahead and have a good time. If he ever suggests doing anything, no matter how distasteful it might be to me, I would say I was ready to go. I would also be very aware of the fact that the reason he wants to stay in so much could have to do with low self-esteem or fear of being embarrassed that he doesn't quite measure up to the abilities of everyone else who will be doing what ever it is. Praise him for every effort, even if it's playing outside with the child for 15 minutes. Accentuate the positive and try to ignore the negative. And don't nag!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:39 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • hmm this is rough...i see you two growing in two VERY different directions which is odd because honestly it sounds like he was that way from the begining but you were so happy then that it didnt bother you...but now youve changed..or want more and hes still where he was when you met him..thats a hard pill to swallow...and all i can tell you..is that if he isnt willing to change or do better, than its not really worth being miserable over...you have too much life to live and experience to just sit around and wait for him, that being said if you feel that he is worth it, and you want to try to FIX it, then really talk to him, seek help, i agree with the other ladies it could very well be a medical condition that he doesnt realize he has. funny hormone/chemical imbalance that has him feeling tired or sluggish on a regular basis!!!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 9:09 PM on Jun. 12, 2009

  • Exactly sweetkisses. He was lazy in the beginning. However, he put even a little effort then to play with his child and enjoy it and to take me out once in a while or do something together at home. He has gained about 50 pounds since we met. He doesn't like to be outside much. He complains about being too hot. If we get him out with us he usually just sits. Once in a blue moon he will play ball with our child. Then he is spent though and it is a while before that happens again. I have asked him about it. He says that he is just lazy and wants to be inside doing nothing really. I have asked him to go walking with me so we both can build up our energies. He says he wants to but he 'forgets' that I have asked him. Or something comes up sp he can't. We are in therapy together right now and he tells out therapist that he feels he is really mean and controlling at home and it exhausts him to worry so much about being in control.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Nanny B.. I never nag my husband. I hate that people nag eachother. I do emphasis the positive. I continue to try with him. But all the trying is EXHAUSTING me now. So I don't know what to do bc I feel I am missing out on my own happiness by trying to get him to come along. If I don't try to get him to come along relationships get strained between him and I and between him ad his child. When things are strained there is more tension in our home that I don't want. I shouldn't have to just accept all that tension just because he doesn't feel like participating. I have given him all the room to be him and it has turned into him taking advantage. Or at least it seems that way because he wants me to treat him like a baby. I won't do it. I encourage him to be better all the time but I don't nag him for being lazy. And I won't treat him like a baby because he is lazy. Our child has even started calling him by his first name.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

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