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How do you stop yourself from becoming bitter?

My husband and I discussed while I was pregnant how we would both work after the baby came. We decided that I would get a daytime job and he would keep his graveyard positon and while one person was at work the other would be in charge of watching our daughter.. My mom told me I needed to go ahead and look into daycare (Even though she is only 2 weeks old) that way I could find one I liked and could afford by the time she was old enough to be taken by one. I don't like the option of I was telling my husband about it in passing and he said he thought it was a wonderful idea. I am finding myself annoyed and becoming a little bitter at the fact that he is being selfish. That it's ok for me to work all day and sit up all night with our daughter but he wants me to put her in daycare so that he can sleep all day while i'm at work. I know that sounds horridly selfish of me.. How do I get over it? I need help.

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Asked by Faeriebrat at 1:17 AM on Jun. 13, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • I agree with you COMPLETELY! If you're both working full time jobs you need to split the responsibilities at home 50/50. That is fair. Your husband is going to get off so easy AND never see his daughter. That's terrible.

    What your husband is asking you to do is not fair. Is it possible for him to work day shift? If not, is is possible for you to stay home or just work part time? Or work evenings before he goes to work so that he can watch the baby then? Like if you worked 4 hours in the evening before he goes to work. He doesn't need to sleep ALL day. Let him sleep 8 hours and be with the baby the rest of the time if need be.

    Answer by ClaireW at 1:39 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • why would you sit up all night with her? Wait until she sleeps through the night and go back to work. You want him to work all night and stay up all day with her so what's the difference? I think you are asking a lot of him. Men don't like to babysit anyway and if he falls asleep and won't wake up to her crying she could choke or flail her arms and make a blanket cover her face and it could smother her and he'd sleep right through it. Get the daycare or have mom watch her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Parenthood is a two way street honey! My SO worked days and I worked nights so we would not have to pay someone to watch our kids. I won't lie to you, sometimes it's hard on your relationship, buy those days you both get off together are so much sweeter for it. If you don't want your child in daycare, voice your opinion! Point out the fact of the money you could be saving by working separate shifts, and at the same time you will both be getting you OWN PERSONAL bonding time with your child. To tell you the truth, that can or could mean a lot to her later in life. Some ground rules must be set though...There can (and we know it will happen) "well, daddy lets me do this" or "mommy lets me do this" Kids can and will pick on what they get away with which parent very quicklly!! I wish u the best of luck, I know how hard being 2 parents with conflicting schedules can be! Hang in there, It will work itself out eventually...

    Answer by rune2319 at 2:21 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • you are not being selfish. really. if you can work all day and take care of her at night why can't he work all night and take care of her during the day? what did he think he was getting himself into? its not easy being a mom, or a dad, and the deal is you are both supposed to help each other. i'm assuming you are working because you need the money right? point out to him what daycare costs. it ain't cheap.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 2:23 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • As the baby gets a little older she will sleep at night and stay awake during the day. He can't be up all day with no sleep. Hopefully she will be a good baby and be a good sleeper. Possibly you could get a sitter for a few hours at least, so your husband can get the rest he needs.

    Answer by grannywilson at 2:47 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Your off work right now? So how about finding a job that you can do at home so you dont have to leaver her. You could baby sit a couple of kids yourself. Make another mom happy that her children are with a private sitter who cares about them, your hubby could continue to work with out interruption and you get to keep you baby at and sound.

    Answer by lacyjones at 10:06 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • You won't have to stay up all night with your daughter, but he WILL have to be up all day for the most part with her. So, while I don't think you are being selfish, he most definitely isn't either.

    Answer by Debbie062008 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • First off, I would say, that father's don't babysit!!! They are parents too. Which is a comment a lot of people make. Its so old fashioned it should be banned.

    That being said, your arrangement would be harder on him than you, so there's no reason to be bitter. Eventually your baby will sleep through the night at some point, and will be awake all day. Unless you want your child on his schedule and then baby will be awake all night when you are trying to sleep, which isn't generally considered healthy for anyone. Your DH will need to sleep at some point and baby will be active during the day whereas when you are trying to sleep baby will be asleep too.


    Answer by Lesli at 10:26 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • How about part time child care instead of full time. That way he could get his sleep and wouldn't feel overwhelmed. Or full time- part on your schedule and part on his so that you both get time off. When the baby gets older and can interact, he'll feel better about being around her, too. Right now he is probably wary and uncomfortable about the responsibility. Since he did agree to the original arrangement, you have a right to be upset. Try to think where he is coming from- the anxiety, the being tired already, and not having the bond that you do with the baby. Yes you are tired. It is exhausting with a baby even without a job outside of the house. If he won't watch the baby, see if he'll take full responsibility (or most) for housekeeping. Sit down with him and make a list of tasks and explain that you and he need to split the work and responsibilities.

    Answer by Bmat at 11:05 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Your baby is only 2 weeks old, 6 when you can start your own. She will be sleeping most of the day and night. Your DH will be able to sleep when she is sleeping. I don't think it is fair that you both have to work and he gets to stay home with out the responsibilities of your baby. At 6 weeks the baby does not sleep through the night, so while you are at work, he is sleeping and dd is at daycare. While you are at home, he is at work and you have to get up with your dd. Doesn't sound fair to me. I would look to find a way to make some money working at home or find a part-time/ weekend job. You can still bring in some money and get a lot of time with your dd. Also, if you work part-time during the day, your DH can still watch her a little bit and save money on day care.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:35 AM on Jun. 13, 2009

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