Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Its his Dad that messes up his routine!

So today I started to just let Gauge cry. He follows me around on a daily basis crying until I pick him up- theres never anything wrong with him. So I stoped doing that today. I still hugged and kissed him and we played on the floor but I quit carrying him around with me.
And I also let him cry for a good half hr at nap time to try and get him to fall asleep on his own. I walked over and gave him his passie, tucked him in and rubbed his fingers (his fav way to fall asleep) for 2 minutes (I timed it) and he was out like a light.
Trouble is, he woke up and I had to give him his passie and lay him back down and rub his fingers for two more minutes. Should I have just left him alone?
And tomorrow is my baby shower, how can I make sure his Dad follows what I did while he's got him? His Dad will NOT let that boy cry. I try to explain how important it is that he does it for my sanity but he ignores me!
Any advice?

 
MommaWoods

Asked by MommaWoods at 2:03 PM on Jun. 13, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 13 (1,103 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I have advice what so ever. Getting Dh on the same page with you can be hard to do when you have opposing ideas. Just keep in mind that it is one day for a few hours and start right where you left off when you get home. Talk to DH one more time before you go and explain that it's not just good for you but for your son to. He needs to learn to be a little independent. Suggest DH use headphones if the crying bothers him. Also I think what you did about his nap was great that's a good start! Next time try letting him cry for 2 min if he wakes up and see if he will go back to sleep on his own if not go in and rub his fingers.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:21 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Tell his father that it's really important for you two to be doing the samethings. He will be just fine if he crys it out and that it worked for you today. If you need to show his father how you are doing things with him now then so be it. It will make things a little easier for you and him exceptional with the new baby coming soon. Good Luck and congrats on the new LO coming soon.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:20 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • If he wakes during his nap or during his nighttime rest, give him about 10 minutes of crying before you go in there. That's what I do with my boys. Usually, after about 10 minutes they've cried themselves back to sleep. If that doesn't happen then go in and do ur sleepy routine. As far as dad is concerned, I've tried for 4 years to get my son's dad to follow MY routine when my son is over there, to no avail. Just explain the importance to the dad and hope that he follows it.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:20 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • For occasional times, such as this special time, let Daddy spoil him. If it were all the time or even most of the time, then it might be that you'd have to have a serious discussion about parenting policies. This is just my opinion.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:22 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • I am with the dad, I don't believe in letting a child cry for more than a few minutes. They need to feel secure and loved, not abandonded.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:23 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • I JUST started doing the routine yesterday and it has be really hard but its working. I can see that. But since he only sees the crying, he thinks Gauge is going to get a twitch or something from it. Also, to rkoloms, I don't leave the room. I sit in the glider and read him a book out loud. Then I sit and wait for him to lay or sit down. I don't abandon him, I am just showing him that he will be okay without me. And he will be. I would never put him in his crib with a dirty diaper, empty belly or no blankie. He's had/got what he needs. But bed time is bed time.
    MommaWoods

    Answer by MommaWoods at 4:12 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • I don't blame you for what your doing.I did the same thing to my DD and will be doing it for my son soon. If you just started the routine and dad doesn't follow it's not going to set you back a whole lot because it's new. For the future you may want to lay out what you've been doing and making it clear to dad that he needs to follow it for the most part because you are the one who has to deal with the aftermath.If he's the one who is going to be stopping what he is doing to pick up and carry around the baby and sit up with him until he falls asleep then that's on him but if not then he needs to do it your way, even if he doesn't like it. That's how I put it to my hubby and he understood that.
    litlsuzzy

    Answer by litlsuzzy at 5:08 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • You are going to have to let daddy do it his way, he is a partner in the raising of your son and one day really isn't going to hurt. Would you want him telling you that you have to let your little guy cry when it is something you feel isn't the best option... I am sure the answer would be no.

    As to rainmommy....I raise 7 kids with a husband who works graveyards, so I am almost always on my own, I don't think rkoloms is saying that a child is never going to cry, but that intentionally lettting a child cry, to meet the needs of the parents, isn't the best option. Everyone get's that there are occasion where a child is going to cry, but I have never done CIO and I try to never let any child just cry, but I get that a lot of what little ones do...is a phase and they will outgrow it. I am assuming that the OP's little guy is under a year old, which means he is in a clingy phase and will enter it again ...................cont
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 7:41 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • .....between 15-18 months of age. Totally normal, and will drive you crazy, but it won't always be that way if you meet his needs, it will not spoil him, he will outgrow it. He is looking for some reassurance that mom is always going to hold up her end of the deal. Under a year old they have no reasoning skills, they don't know that mom is going to pull her hair out if she can't wash a dish without him under her feet, they just know that they need..not want...mom to hold them and comfort them. Ok my rant is over.....

    One thing that worked for me when they were in this phase was to wait one minute play for five, then wait two minutes and play for five, and keep uping the time that I wait before going to them, it takes a few weeks but it does work. All the while I am talking to them.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 7:48 PM on Jun. 13, 2009