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What would you do? Question about in-laws...

My in-laws recently moved out of town. The situation is that we rent a home from them that is next door to my mother in law's mother. Because of this my mother in law takes frequent trips here to visit her own mother. When she visits she insists on staying with me and my family inside of my 'craft' room(which I have to routinely clean and make available to them) at the drop of a hat. Sometimes they give me a week's notice per visit and sometimes it's a day or two.
I don't think it's right that they stay in my home. I realize I rent from them but we do pay rent and I don't understand why they can't stay with my mother in law's mother who is right next door. I do love seeing them and spending time with them but I don't enjoy the extra work it makes for me whenever they decide to drop in.
What would you do? Also my husband doesn't seem to care either way.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Jun. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • You know she is going to do it, so you have three choices.

    1) Keep the room neat for her anyway.
    2) Let it go and let her find the bed herself.
    3) Tell her that you don't want her to stay with you any more, and that she has to stay with her own mother. (and start looking for another place to live)

    Renting from relatives sucks. There are always hidden strings attached. Deal with it or get a new place to live.

    (this coming from someone who is currently renting from the IL's)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Maybe its because she can't be around her mother for any length of time. Its one thing to be the dutiful daughter and take care of her mom, another to stay with her for a few days if they don't get along that well. I know I love my mom, she's my best friend, but there are times, when she's telling me how to do something and she's really just driving me nuts.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 4:39 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • For the sake of peace in the family, I'd continue letting them stay. I might point out how her mother's extra room may be a more comfortable place to stay. Perhaps her mother is up in years and overnight guests would create a hardship for her- cleaning up, laundry, etc.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:39 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • I think you need to tell your husband you don't appreciate it and have him talk with them. You pay to live there they don't need to be checking in on you or forcing themselves upon you. I'd put my foot down.
    firethearson

    Answer by firethearson at 4:39 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Maybe ask your mother in law to please give you some notice. Ten days would be nice, or something similar that way you can make sure the room is clean and you have bedding available or whatever else you need. I am sure that would make your life a lot easier. Perhaps she just doesn't realize how rude she is being. Is there a reason why she can't/doesn't stay with her mother?
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 4:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Well my mother in law's mother is much older and staying with her does require a level of care(cooking, cleaning, medicine giving) and I understand that's troublesome but on the other hand I don't feel as if that should be my problem, you know?
    I mean if her whole reason for visiting is to see her mother then why not just stay with her .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • and I mean that my mother in law would be the one having to clean up at her mother's house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • She has an older sister that stays with their mother's most nights. She also has a younger sister who drives almost 2 hours to come and stay with their mother one or two nights a week. When my mother in law lived in town she stayed overnight with her mother regularly to help provide care for her.
    Honestly, I have no clue as to why she doesn't want to stay now. I know when I visit with my mother in law's mother she is always talking about how much she misses seeing her daughter since the move.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • Maybe you can gradually make the craft room more cluttered and not as comfortable a place to stay. Maybe put some large exercise equipment in there! Just kidding!

    Maybe your MIL just says she is visiting her mom, but really wants to visit you and your family and for some reason is too embarassed to say so??
    leahs_mom_kate

    Answer by leahs_mom_kate at 5:10 PM on Jun. 13, 2009

  • I thought about putting more stuff in there, ha! I also thought about re-arrange it so that I could put my chair back there. I have a desk and chair but the chair was removed when we put the bed in.
    Right now I have boxes of craft items on our kitchen table because the spare trunk in the living room is too full to fit it all. When mealtime rolls around I have to shuffle everything around. Up until this week I was moving everything to the craft room and then moving it out the night before their visit but I had a party to plan this weekend and I didn't feel like moving everything back and forth!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Jun. 13, 2009