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Is it mean i kinda lied to my SIl ???

My sil comes over unannounced ALL the time. I'm a SAHm so she knows im usually here, but i think its So rude to just show up at someones door WHENEVER. She usually talks crap about my parenting and says my daughter smells.. WHICH SHE DOESNT! ever.. i bathe her every other day she is very clean and always dressed nicely, i dont get why she says these things to me. She also is realllyyy loud and uses everything in our house, eats all our food ... just.. irritating!
Well tonight she called (SURPRISINGLY) and said what are you doing? im going to come over!
i told her i was leaving and wasnt going to be here. but i am. i just want to relax and im really exhausted too. She's been very irritating towards me when her bro (my SO) isnt around and i just get really upset when that happens.

Now i KINDA feel bad that i lied.
Is it really rude i lied to her?....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 AM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Nope. It is your home and you have the right to chose not to have company. I probably would have done the same....actually, i would have said "Oh no you're not" LOL but that's just me. I HATE when people just show up unannounced or are constantly inviting themselves over and I cut no corners in telling them so.
    As for saying your daughter smells....next time she says it just tell her to leave and tell her that your daughter's own Aunt should learn to keep her mouth shut and be respectful, especially in your house, maybe she will get the clue. Or right when she walks in just say "did you shower today or did you come to use a bar of soap?" I would, but I am a bit tactless when people say things about my family....
    MansfieldMomma

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 12:43 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Why not just tell her the truth?
    Yea, it's bad to lie because that makes you a not so wonderful person... and you've given her another thing to say about you... and how could you deny it when... you did lie and if she's like me, she's already driven by your house and saw that you were home.
    People like that are insecure with themselves.
    I'm an honest person... to a fault. I'd flat out say "this is something I don't like.... and no one is going to come in to MY home and tell me how wrong I am blah blah blah"
    And as for food... anyone who comes in to my home will not be leaving hungry as long as I have food in my house. Yes I do have some things that I put in places so that it's not right out there, but traditionally we're supposed to offer any guests food and drink.
    I'm lucky... my sis in law comes and goes and I love it... she's like a sister to me.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:43 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • aww.. my conscience gets like that too when i tell a little white lie. don't feel bad though. but next time, to avoid the ol' conscience, just tell her you guys are trying to have a quiet night alone and she can come tomorrow. i'm a bad liar and feel bad after i lie too... :-P but i wouldn't feel to bad. have you talked to your husband about how his sister acts when he isn't around. i'd bring it up with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • No, but you can't keep lying to her all the time. Soon she will catch on so it's best to tell her to ease on the amount of visits. You might want to tell her that if she doesn't cleaning up her act, you won't accept her in your home. If she's blunt with you, then you should also be blunt to her as well.

    Miss-Baby-Baker

    Answer by Miss-Baby-Baker at 12:45 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • you van just tell her shes rude to you so u dont want her over until she can respect u in ur house
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 12:48 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • No she didnt drive by actually and im in apartments so she would have to come up to my door to notice if i was home or not and i was home i told her i was i just said i was going to be leaving. i do offer her food and drink of course, i would NEVEr not do that i think of it as really bad manners. but she just goes in there and eats everything seriously anything and everything...

    yeah i shouldnt have lied i think ill just tell her straight up next time thanks ladies
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I think if you were started cleaning when she came over and asked her to help out she would quit coming over. For a while I was going to my sister's house (she invited me) and she would always be cleaning and give me jobs to do. Like I didn't have enough of them at my own house. I quit going over until her cleaning was done.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Don't feel bad. What you need to do is have your SO tell her she needs to call before. He needs to be the one to handle his family and you need to handle your family. That's the way me and my SO do it. I have a SIL who ONCE came over unannounced. She noticed by my reaction that I wasn't as appreciative as she thought I would be. (She came over with IHOP breakfast). I felt bad for a second but after 5 months of no surprise visits, I GOT OVER IT!
    Vero0724

    Answer by Vero0724 at 1:38 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I can see why you lied. I do think that you need to talk her and set boundaries. Let her know that you are busy during the day and would appreciate her calling before just dropping in. I would also have refreshments waiting or say "stay there, I will get the coffee and cookies"- and not give her an excuse to go into the kitchen and help herself. If she does you might point out that her habit of helping herself to whatever is rude and not acceptable in your house. (how would she like it if you did that to her?). I would also tell her you do not appreciate the rude comments and they will not be tollerated. Next time she says your daughter smells or criticizes your parenting it might be time to say "oh,so sorry you have to leave now but I have errands to run". Good luck I hope she gets the message!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:26 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

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