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Am I doing the right thing with my 13 yr old

Ok heres what happened.My daughter is staying all night with her friend,and I seen on her MySpace (the friends) some pics of her and her boyfriend,they were kissing and holding each other ways a 13 yr old girl shouldnt be,plus hes in high school & I dont approve of that but shes not my kid.Well one pic is of him laying on top of her (between her legs and shes in short) I got pissed and called my daughter,I asked if her friends boyfriend had been there and she said yes,then I asked about the pics and asked if she took them,and she did.I wanted to go and get her,but I have no car right now so I told her that her friends mom was to bring her home ASAP in the morning and that she is no longer allowed ther.I know the pics werent of my kid,but I dont want her around girls who act like that,am I wrong or am I overreacting ?

Answer Question
 
4mom247

Asked by 4mom247 at 2:25 AM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • It is important to teach them what your standards are. I think you were right on the money keeping her away from that kid of friend.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • RIGHT!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • ii think you did the right thing but sometimes at that age ur gonna either get a teen that listens and thats it or a rebel who will hang out with her even more...
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 2:30 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • My daughter is no rebel..lol Thank God,she knows I will kick her ass.lol Also she knows I will keep her home 24/7,Im a SAHM so Im always here.She has to understand that her freedom,depends on her actions and the choices she makes.I was mad that she even took the pics,just as mad as if it was her in them.lol
    4mom247

    Answer by 4mom247 at 2:39 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I think that trying to choose her friends for her will only make her resent you, and push her toward those types of people.

    Instead of forbidding her to see this girl, talk to her more about what your values are and why. Tell her WHY you don't want her to act like that girl. Tell her about the mistakes you've seen other people make and be an example. Guide her to making the right choices, because you can't make them for her, and if you try, you will only hurt your relationship and make her feel like she is entitled to make those mistakes. Spend lots of time with her... make a mother-daughter day at least once a month and spend lots of time getting to know her. Why does she like this girl?

    When you get her home tomorrow tell her that you wanted her home so that you could talk to her about th epictures you found. Tell her you love her and you want to help her make the best decisions possible.

    Good luck.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 2:42 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Teenagers can be very defiant. If she doesn't understand why you feel the way you do, she may hang around with this girl anyway. And it wouldn't be difficult. She will see her at school and at the homes of mutual friends, and school activities.

    You should really sit her down as soon as she walks in the door in the morning and explain why you feel the way you do about it. If you made mistakes in your past that you have learned from and had similar experiences with your parents, you should be open about it. Open up the lines of communication and keep them open.

    And try to be understanding yourself. She is 13 and she has no idea how these pictures might affect her friend in the future. And remember, once a kid reaches the age of 13, they know everything until they get old enough to realize how much their parents actually knew-somewhere around the age of 22, give or take a year or two.

    Good luck.
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 2:48 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • http://resources.rbc.org/odb/pda/
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 2:50 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • You are overreacting a whole lot, stop before she rebels. Its never good to do that, now she is pissed at you because you embarassed her. You should talk to her about that stuff, alone, and explain everything to her. AND apologize for flipping out, and tell her why you flipped out. When she sees you are only worried and you are trying to be there for her, life will be a lot better.
    MammaBella

    Answer by MammaBella at 11:57 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I agree with ATI 13
    KaireasMommy

    Answer by KaireasMommy at 1:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • What are the age statuates in your state? In Texas the statuates are 3 years starting at the age 14. Meaning, a 14yr old can go out with a 17yr old, 15, w/ 18, 16, w/ 19, and at age 17 it's legal for them to be with anyone of any age (gross, right?).

    That being said, any kind of "sexual" touching - even over the clothes - can be deemed child molestation.

    If I were you, I would have asked the mother to bring my daughter home right away. While she was on her way, I'd copy and paste those pics for evidence, and hand them to the mother when she got there. Then, I'd tell the mother that I am morally obligated to report this young man to the police, especially since I have saved the pictures on my computer (to protect yourself from being prosecuted). That way the mother knows your intentions, and will be forced to do the right thing.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

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