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Did your parents divorce?

How did you feel about it? My daughter is 8 and I'm trying to decide if it is better to split now or wait until she is 18 or so. I'm in a situation where I can wait it out for my daughters sake unless my husband disrespects me again. I caught him talking to another woman last year over the period of several months. Supposedly it didn't get physical but I have no way of knowing if that is true and who knows what would have happened if I didn't catch him. Our relationship has always been good so I had no idea he would do such a thing. My husband thinks everything is fine now and that we are working things out. I will make sure everything continues to appear normal for my daughters sake. My daughter is the only reason I didn't leave when I found out. I will do anything to make sure she is happy. I love my husband but I will not be disrespected by any man. I'm not the type to feel I can't survive without a man.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Yes and I was around your daughters age but I'm not sure how much help I can give you because even to this day if my parents are in the same room I'm on edge. My mom doesn't know how to let go of things. Thats why my husband went off and married.
    HolliBerry21

    Answer by HolliBerry21 at 8:53 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • In my opinion, waiting till she's older isn't always the best option. My parents are divorced (my sperm donor) abused my mom, and tried to start abusing me at 13. I know your situations different. But kids see things, and even if parents don't think they are around they hear things. I understand wanting to keep your DD happy. My father and his family disowend me when my parents split (reason i call him sperm donor) . I was glad they had split up. My sperm donor, made our lifes miserable, we couldn't be happy, if we were happy when he got home from work, he made sure we were crying before we went to bed. Your DD could be happy even with you guys being divorced. If you do decided to split up, be honest with her, because if you lie and she finds out later, she's gonna be mad. If he has been unfaithful, even if he clams it wasn't physical, chances are he'll do it again, because he thinks he can get away with it.........
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 8:54 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • so i'd say leave. You can do joint custody of your DD, and give her the option to see her dad whenever she wants. This way she doesn't feel like she cant see him or spend time with him
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 8:57 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • My parents divorced when I was 15 and it was still depressing for me, I found love in my boyfriend and got pregnant. So no matter what age I think its still earth shattering for a child.
    MomAt15woah

    Answer by MomAt15woah at 9:01 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • No. My parents have been married almost 36 years (in July) and DH's parents have been married almost 36 years (in a few days).

    Both marriages have survived infedility and many other problems.

    Personally, I think you're over-reacting a bit. He was talking to another woman? Was it romantic talk or just talk? Have you two seen a counselor? It sounds like you're being just as deceitful as he was if you're not telling him what's really in your heart. You're letting him believe everything is okay, when it's not... it's still deceit.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 9:05 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • You say he only TALKED with this woman? Then get some counseling and don't give up on your marriage so soon and without trying to improve it. You have a daughter who deserves stability and you can't throw it all away on suspicions. Get some help or at least have an honest, open-minded conversation with your husband. No crying and accusing and anger---just heart to heart talk. OK?
    Lindalu2

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 9:12 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I forgot to answer the question---my parents were married 49 years -until my mother died - and they were faithful to each other. They argued and all that but they stayed married. I am happy they did.
    Lindalu2

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 9:13 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • If he has been unfaithful, even if he clams it wasn't physical, chances are he'll do it again, because he thinks he can get away with it.........

    I don't agree with this at all. My husband cheated on me early in our marriage. I forgave him, but told him that his one shot, if it happens again, I'm gone. NO questions, no explanations, no nothing. I'm gone. He knows that I will leave if he does it again... You just have to make that clear.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • MY PARENTS DID NOT DIVORCE, BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT WAITING BEING UNHAPPY IN A MARRIAGE IS NOT GOOD FOR KIDS OR ADULTS INVOLVED. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY IN IT.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:27 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Thanks for the advice. To answer some questions, after he gave up denying it, he told me the talk was pretty much sexual all the time. We have not seen a counselor. I guess I have avoided that because I'm disgusted with him and my feelings for him have pretty much gone away. It's hard to care about someone when you don't believe they care about you. It's just so hard with my daughter. She loves us being a family and doing things together. I don't want to break her heart. He's never been abusive towards either of us. Both my parents and his parents have been married for over 30 years too. My mom has passed away otherwise I would seek her advice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Jun. 14, 2009

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