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My Bestfriend is always in competition with me when it comes to our girls!

I have had a bestfriend for over 8 yrs and just recently in the past yr we have had some major issues. We have Daughter's that are 4 weeks apart and she makes it such a competition that it's no fun to hangout with her. Everything I say about my Daughter she tries to one up me, everything I buy for my Daughter she'll go out and buy something similiar or gets jealous if she can't. They don't have a whole lot of money so I went out and bought her Daughter summer clothes and a new carseat. Well when she found out I bought a more high end carseat for my Daughter she got all mad. I stil ended up spending $75 on it. My Daughter just turned a year and her Daughter's 1st is coming up. Well I did a slide show of my Daughter's 1st yr and guess what, she's doing the same thing, same cake, same favors, same everything. She has been there when I needed her the most but I am just so done with her when it comes to our girls. What should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • I had a coworker/friend that used to do this to me constantly. Anything I said about my daughter (our girls are both 7, almost 8) she had to try to one up me. I got so fed up with it that I actually have stopped going to her house or hanging out with her and our girls don't play together anymore unless it's at school. I still talk to her on the phone but I avoid bringing up our children at all. I always used to tell her that the girls are individuals and unique and each one is so special...and she would just deny that she was comparing them at all. It got so emotionally and mentally taxing that I just opted to save myself the frustration.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Sit her down and talk to her.
    Tell her it is NOT a competition - and even if it is, how on earth do you determine a "winner"?

    Is it the girl that learns to do a carwheel first?
    Is it the girl with the highest GPA leaving high school?
    Is it the girl who has the first boyfriend or the girl who waits?
    Is it the girl who gets married first or the pickier one?
    Is it the girl who gets into the "better" college - and how do we pick which school is better?
    Is it the girl who earns the most money when they turn 30, 40, 50?
    Is it the girl who raises the best kids - in which case, how do you determine "best grandkid" and when should you start comparing them?

    Other options:
    Flat out say "Yep, you are right, your daughter is better than mine and you are the better mother. Can we drop the topic now?"
    or
    Stop hanging out with her at all. Don't answer her calls, don't visit her.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 5:23 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Well, short of talking to her about it there isn't much you can do.

    For what it's worth, I understand. My step-daughter has a daughter six months younger than my daughter. And she uses every opportunity to try to make her daughter sound better than mine. She teethed first, she talked earlier, she is using sentences, blah, blah, blah.

    I just take pride in the fact that I don't sit and drill things into my daughter constantly. Of course she is going to learn numbers early if all you do is drill her on them. But instead I play with my daughter. I spend real time with her and I let her learn and do things at her own pace.

    In the end, it doesn't really matter. I just take her comments with a grain of salt and smile nicely. I know how amazing my daughter is and I don't need others to confirm that for me.
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 5:23 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

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