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How Do I Handle A Bad Teenager?

I have a daughter that is 14 and has been acting like a bad teenager for a month now and I can't seem to get her to listen to me she been drinking and smoking and she tell me that it makes her look cool and I can't get her to see it's not cool and she goes out with her friends after I tell she can't and she has been ma but now she is starting to call me by my name and I don't mean mom I mean for what other people call me. so How DO I Handle her and I have told her dad and it looks like he is having a hard time too.

 
Sandy_Grease

Asked by Sandy_Grease at 5:37 PM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • The problem is that this kind of behavior does make her appear to be "cool" to many of her peers. And she knows it. You can't really argue that point. What you have to get her to understand is that the opinion of people like that don't matter. There is so much more to life than high school. But she is at terrible risk of making a mistake that will change the rest of her life.
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 7:21 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • At this point I don't know that there is anything you can do. I have a 13 year old and she know's that if she heads down the wrong road I will give her to option of rehab or I'll kick her out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • im 16 an even though i hated my mom for this punishment it worked lol ok when i was 13 or 14 i was the same way an for punishment she took my phone bc that was my way of getting the stuff an email she took it for 5 mnths which trust me u should try it 5mnths minimum or theyll do it again lol an she monitored me like crazy even though she wasnt a strict ma this to me was harsh an taught me to listen lol an i hated her for it but now that ive thought bout it it was for the best
    momatonly16

    Answer by momatonly16 at 5:54 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • and if that dnt work threatin to call police very harsh but it would scare me tell her if she leaves u will contact authoritys an report her as a runaway itll make her think twice an take her cigs an break them
    momatonly16

    Answer by momatonly16 at 5:55 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Show her you love her, do fun things with her, give her more of your time, take to to see people that are in pain because of drinking or smoking. If you can find a video on the Internet of another teenager backing you up that would be good too. You really need to keep a better eye on her, I know for some families that is next to imposable, but it's that or your daughter, you have to find a way! I'm not being mean here just honest. Teach her about respect she obviously no longer respects you. Go to a councilor if you have to, many churches do counseling for free, and many do not force their religion on to you. And remember as her mom you are to love her always, but you are her parent NOT her friend. The friends part comes at a later age like 16 17 or even older. At this age if she thinks you are here friend there is something wrong. Sorry it will take too long for me to explain that one.Hope this helps. Good luck!
    lilmama4d_j

    Answer by lilmama4d_j at 5:55 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • When I was 14 I was the same way I stole my moms car to go to this beach party and wrecked it. She didn't know what else to do so she filed charges against me and the judge put me in a group home for a year and I thank her now for that because if she didn't I wouldve been alot worst in life. I never messed up again after that I did 2 years away from home and all I wanted to do was come back home. I know it might be hard just to send your child away, but It saved my life. I was completely out of controll. So just take the time and think about it. It would be better then her lying in a ditch dead.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • one thing you could do is change your perspective, stop thinking of her as a bad teenager that is one of the worst things you can do right now, think of her as someone struggling with some life chioces right now and she isn't making good ones. She needs to know that you will go to the ends of the earth for her well being and that you love her no matter what, even if that means making her hate you for a while. You have to take away things like her phone and computer and moniter her every move, though she will be upset at that moment sometimes kids act out just to know that their parents care and are willing to try to get them to stop what they are doing, or atleast I did that when I was younger. She has to know you aren't okay with her hurting herself like this. Don't lay back and watch her spin out of control,The words I HATE YOU will be hard to hear, but she will thank you for saving her life some day, just be patient.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • It's going to be hard because you've already lost control, but if you really want your daughter back, you can do it. Drop on her like a bag of hammers and don't let up.


    Lots of good suggestions here. Remember you are her mother, not her friend.

    MizKizzy

    Answer by MizKizzy at 8:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • She is not a bad kid, just making bad choices. Take away all of her priveleges, including her bedroom door - privacy is a privelege. No phone, no tv, no computer, no money, nothing. Explain that she must earn back her priveleges.
    Change the locks on the door and don't give her a key. If she is not home by her curfew, she can sleep in the backyard.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:21 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • First you need to stop thinking of her as a "bad teenager", she isn't bad. Her behavior and choices may be bad, but she isn't. Take everything away from her. Stop washing her clothes, stop making her meals, stop driving her places. When she acts appropriately, then she can earn those things back. If she does something illegal, turn her in. Ignore her when she is being disrespectful, give her no money. Explain that until she acts appropriately, you will do nothing for her and you will give her nothing. She needs tough love and quickly.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:45 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

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