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How Can You Respect A Man Who......

I was a battered wife for 10 years. My X kept me isolated, would slam my head into the concrete floor. He beat me when I was pregnant, causing me to go into labor -- thankfully both of my kids are fine.
I had him arrested about 3-4 years ago, and have not been with him since. Since he's been gone he has been in and out of jail, lost all visitation with his kids, been selling drugs, prostituting women, tried to get custody of the kids, hired a private investigator to watch me, and so on...... Now he is in prison for 5-6 felony drug possession/ selling charges.
My mother tells me she has respect for him because he made good money, my dad tells me 'you don't get in between a man and his children' (he told my mom not to interfere when I was getting beaten for the same reason) My mom wants me to bring kids (3&4) to visit him in prison, telling me to do things for him even now. How can you like someone who hurt your child like that?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • You can't plain and simple. Don't listen to that garbage. For one, they don't need to see their father in prison. Second of all, anyone can produce a child, it takes a real man to father a child, and from the sounds of things, he didn't come close. My ex was similar, although I didn't give him enough time to get that bad. He is also now a convicted felon (2.5 years after I divorced him). I have had his visits revoked............because he punched me during a visitation drop off IN FRONT of our 4 year old son......for those who think that the father shouldn't be deprived of his son. I think that you should do what's best for your children. When push comes to shove, it falls on YOUR shoulders and no one else.

    Congrats to you for getting out! That's a tough move to make, especially with 2 children! Don't let anyone ever tell you any differently!
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:22 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Sweetie, I'm so sorry you went through that and are still going through it with YOUR parents. My opinion - I would not take the children to visit him in prison - they are too young. When they are older, if they want to go then take them. I know you love your parents but I would tell them how it is and I would take a break (so to speak) from them. No one deserves to be beat and I'm glad you're not in it anymore.
    DeeGillette

    Answer by DeeGillette at 7:24 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • you do with your kids what u want to do. if my mom acted like it was okay i simply wouldnt be talking to her about it anymore and it would be a dead subject...

    and id probably not talk to her at all
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 7:24 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • please dont take this the wrong way. BUT F*CK what your parents say! would they be singing that same song if one of you or your children would have died? and who cares if he made good money...it wasnt honest money. my question is, how could they be satisfied with that low of a quality of life for their daughter? even though you are grown, its never too late to be apdopted...your parents sound like assholes!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I also was in an abusive relationship, lucky for me we had no children together. I would advise you to keep the children away from him until they are older if at all. You do not want the kids to be exposed to that . Good luck!
    Rubymomto5

    Answer by Rubymomto5 at 7:34 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Oh Hell no!!!!! He didn't want his kids when he was out so why does he want to see them now. I am not taking my children to a prison NO WAY!!!!!! stay strong.
    HoneyPot78

    Answer by HoneyPot78 at 7:35 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I don't know your background, only what you've shared. Honestly, your parents are not giving you sound advice. Avoid that man, there is nothing to be gained and they are safer and better off without an abusive, drug using parent. AVOID and let go of any guilt and don't listen to your folks, terrible advice.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:59 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • If I were in your situation, I would have absolutly NO respect for my own parents. What they are saying, geez. It doesn't matter how much money someone makes, selling drugs is a no no, beating a spouse is a no no. The money doesn't matter. Don't get in the way of a man and his children?? How about don't get in the way of a MOM and her children? I would not take them to see their dad. And I wouldn't have anything to do with my parents either. If they would rather be supportive of your husband, after what he's done, then I'd say they should have no contact with your kids. What the hell kind of father would not want to stop his daughter from being beaten?
    Absolutly, do not take those babies to the prison. Sometimes kids are just better off NOT knowing a family member-or 3.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 8:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • o hell no how can ur dad just sit there knowing u were being beat like that?....my family wanted to kill my ex when they found out he was hitting me...i wouldnt take ur kids into the jail...not while they were this little
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • i think a man who has beaten his wife for almost 10 years and treated them like basically dirt doesn't deserve any help not from you or anyone he deserves every last bit of problems he has now and its not your problem any more and since he is an abuser of drugs and a women abuser maybe he doesn't even deserve to be around the children so no a 3 and 4 year old do not need to go to a jail cell to see there bad father and they don't even need him honey you are better off riding him off getting u a good man who wont lay his hands on you stay far away from that dirty bad man change your number try to move away from where he is in jail and just have no contact at all and for your father he was trying to protect his wife your mother but still he should of helped you and he didn't so no they don't deserve your respect your better off alone then dead good luck have a happy life and it will be better ......
    ohmama213

    Answer by ohmama213 at 9:52 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

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