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my 4 year old is not a good girl anymore :(

my 4year old daughter went to her fathers house for the first time in a while, ever since she has been home all she says is, "my mommy dosent love me", "i want to go live with my daddy", or today she told me that she dosent love me! i ask her to do something like clean her room and she tells me to do it! i put her in time out i took alot of her toys away and she just dosent care she has no respect for me or her things she brooke her doll house and her toy box!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • maybe her dad is putting things in her head

    Answer by Dom123123 at 7:44 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Hmmmm... It sounds to me that perhaps her dad might be letting her get away with anything and so she thinks it'd be more fun to be at dad's house. I would sit her down and talk to her about how much you love her and that it makes you sad when she says things like this or breaks her belongings and explain to her that even though she might not like the set-up that you love her and are doing what you know is best for her. She may not understand or like it but that's tough. She is only 4 years old and she can't get her way all the time. She may be having a tough time going btwn households. That's why they say it's best for both parents to be consistent about rules otherwise this is exactly what kids will do. I would try talking to her dad and see if you can find out what's going on.

    Answer by sheriskidmore at 7:45 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • It could also mean that she needs to have more time with her dad because she misses him and maybe you could arrange that btwn you.

    Answer by sheriskidmore at 7:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • My son says that to me ALL the time. Especially if he's having a "not listening day". It may be that dad is putting things in her head. Or it could be as simple as he is giving her whatever she wants (which is the case with my son.) I just tell him to go to his room til he can be nice. And then I walk away. I know I've officially become a mommy when my son gets mad at me for telling him no and his response is that I don't love him or he wants daddy. Then I'm doing my job. I also reassure him that I do love him and will no matter what he says or does.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:48 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Oh and as far as the broken toys. He doesn't get them replaced and he gets to help throw them away. And he's told that things cost money and if he's not going to be nice to his things he won't get to keep them.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:49 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • First off I would cry if I were in your shoes... Not encouraging just stating how I would react. Second, I would kill my ex for turning my baby against me...

    Answer by BriHan06 at 7:59 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Just keep disciplining and loving her. Talk to her and explain the rules in your home and the behavior expected and the consequences if she cannot be good. Don't replace toys but shuttling between the two of you might be stressful on her. Hang in there.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 8:13 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Remain consistent with your expectations and consequences for behavior, but also catch her being good! Try to find all the times that she is "Being good" and make sure she hears from you how much you love her and like her behavior. She is probably testing you to see if things have changed with you since she was gone. If daddy is a push over with her and you are a little more strict, then you are probably left as the "Bad guy", even though you are doing what is best for her. She is craving that consistent expectation from you.

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 11:38 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

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