Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

if your daughter in law was hard to deal with

and mean and selfish sometimes would u just give up on seeing your grandchildren.. or would the need to be a grandma over ride any dil issue u had.?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I would stop dealing with her. It's not the children's fault that she's that way and they shouldn't be deprived of gramma because of it. Try just dealing with your son. Tell him what's going on and how you feel, maybe he can make arrangements for you to see your grandkids when she isn't around.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:51 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I don't care how mean or selfish she was i would see my grandchildren. Just as you are always a mommy you are always a grandma, in my eyes. If it wasn't for me giving birth and life to her DH then they would not have the child that they just made.

    Answer by raemommy at 7:51 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • This is a tough question. I might actually just let it go and when she does actually discover that her kids should know their grandmother, then I'd have a long chat. I'm coming from the other side (that of dil) who dealt with difficult in laws. What I figured out, is that once I put time between me and them and my kids got a tad older, I was ready to accept them and grin and bear it. Now I like them and would leave my kids with them. I think neither of us handled it well, unfortunately but we've made up for what was missed when they were infants and I was young and a new, protective mom also coping with the stress of being newly married.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:52 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • When she upsets you just blow her off but in a good way do it for the grandkids, don't make her do this to you those are your grandkids. If she has a problem that is her problem just treat her nice atleast your are not the bad guy, she sounds like she is the one with the problem.

    And don't mention this to the kids just be the best grandma ever soon they will wonder what's up with their mom and realize it is her with the negative vibe here.

    Don't ever let her run over you like this you see your babies when you want to not her time. GL

    Some people can't help themselves being this way, just hang in there it will be alright.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 7:53 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • The grandkids are not yours. Wish it weren't that way. Your son is in the position of now protecting/pleasing his new family, which ultimately he must do, however painful to you. If the wife is miserable, he has to deal with it and so right now he might be choosing her. He will always love you and maybe it'll change over time. If it's causing you anxiety and ruining things between you and your son, let it go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • My x-mil was/is awful -- well meaning (i guess) but AWFUL - she'd bring truckloads of junk baby stuff (5 nasty used car seats, 60 old blankets, garbage bags full of nasty toys, etc) She would try and talk bad about me, once even asked if I would still want my baby if it came out with dark hair/eyes/skin (my x was 1/2 Hispanic) or if I was going to give the baby to her......
    But -- at the end of the day she is a good grandma - she loves my kids, they love her. She is neurotic, and I have to limit the length of visits with her. But I know it is best if she is in their life, regardless of my opinion of her.
    The kids dad is out of the picture now, she & I keep in touch, I'm getting my hubby to bring kids down to see her next weekend - because that is what's best for kids.
    If nothing else -- smile to her face, pretend her comments don't bother you, and be the best grandma you can be - the kids need you - especially if mom is a **

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I dont have inlaws I have to deal with but me and my fiances family dont get along and my fiance simply chose to not have them come around until they can learn to respect me. so if you give the ultimatum it may not turn out that you will be comming over much. I would just suck it up and find the good in her cuz if I didnt like someone and I wanted to be there when they were near my kids and they said that wont work they simply wouldnt be seeing them....

    sorry that sounds harsh but i would seriously just suck it up because i dont think its worth not seeing ur grandkids cus like you may say their ur grandkids no matter what their also her children or babies before that so just think about it.

    Answer by Dom123123 at 8:15 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Is that you Mom?

    LOL JK

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • my mother in law was difficult to deal with up until my husband died. i tried my best to get along with her but just couldn't. for 23 years she never spoke my name. we had arguments & an all out war at times.
    after denny passed away last july she went as far as to ignore his kids....her grandchildren for 4 months. she finally woke up & saw the light seeing that they are the only link left of his life.

    i will never treat my daughter in law as i was treated. if she turns out to be a bitch then so be it but that won't keep me from ever seeing my grandkids.
    i don't want my grandkids to feel about me the way my kids feel about her. they would much rather walk down to my parents home instead of being there after the way i was treated for so long then the way they were treated.
    it's not fair to the kids.

    Answer by justjacki at 9:22 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I would cope and never say a bad thing about her. My relationship with my son would be what I cared about. My love with my grandchildren more important than a difficult DIL. She would only be difficult if I let her get to me. I would not argue or openly disagree and I would give her options and let her choose what is best for her. In fact I would even say it that way, "What is best for you and the kids?" And I would mean it. No drama, no trying to decide if I need to just cut my grandchildren loose....just being kind (even if she isn't) and living my life. That doesn't mean going out of my way. That means being flexible, setting my boundaries/limits, and never challenging her place as the mother of HER children and her place as my son's partner and equal. It may be hard but that is exactly what I will do if I don't like my DIL. Hell, even if I love my DIL that is still what I am going to do.


    Answer by frogdawg at 11:01 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.