Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Oh boy, the situations I get myself into...

Ok, so here's the deal. My ex and I were together for 4 years, from 10th grade through the first year out of high school. We went through unimaginable things together - from my dad kicking me out of the house at 15 and his dad taking me in, our meth addictions, getting clean together, a miscarriage, and so many things inbetween. I loved him then, and I am coming to find I still love him now.
My SO is a great man. If he weren't mine I would encourage any of you to be with him. We have been together almost 3 years. He is a great provider, a great father, and great in bed! lol.
My SO and I do not have even a smidgen of the emotional connection my ex and I have. I am realizing that he fulfills my emotional needs in a way my SO never will. I have done/said nothing that would be considered "wrong", but I can't help but feel that my current relationship will never really be enough.
I love them both, in different ways.
Continued...

Answer Question
 
CarolynBarnett

Asked by CarolynBarnett at 7:57 PM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • My ex could never provide for me and my daughter on the level that my SO does- even though he has told me that he wants to take care of the both of us. He simply is not motivated enough. If he COULD, I truley believe that I would be with him instead of my SO.

    I am so confused...I really do love my SO, I just don't think I am IN love with him...and I think I never fell OUT of love with my ex...

    Please don't bash. I am confused enough as it is. Any advice you could offer would be very appreciated.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 7:57 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Money shouldn't be an issue in your situation. You need to do what your heart tells you to do. Sit down and REALLY think about your happiness. Weigh out everything. Is your ex healing from his addiction? You DON'T want to bring a child into that.

    Maybe it's one of those things where you want what you can't have. Maybe it wouldn't be the same if you were really with him.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 8:05 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I think you just need time and space from your ex. You also need to understand that first love when you're younger is always incredible because despite the highs and lows, you love so openly because you aren't yet jaded from bad relationships. You and your ex have been important to each other but that doesn't necessarily mean you are meant to stay together forever but you can still appreciate the wonderful things about him. You don't want to hear this but I'd give your SO a chance and separate yourself from your ex for say, 6 months. Give SO an honest try and if after that, there's no love the way you think it should be, then consider letting go.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 8:06 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I think it's great you have 2 men that you love, that love you. But, it's not fair to stay with someone that you are not IN love with. It's a tricky situation. You may leave your SO for your ex, then realize that the SO was the one for you. I don't think anyone can really give you advice here. It's like trying to convice you to like cherry instead of apple. No one can make this kind of decision for you. You are just going to have to figure out what you want, who you want to be with. And def. do not act on anything that could jeapordize your relationships.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 8:06 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • i was in the same boat ur in in last year...i met my dh 2 yrs ago and he said whe i was ready to leave my ex he would be there for me..we kept in touch and last year when i realized my ex wasnt going to give me the life i wanted for me and my dd and my dh could... i left him it hurt like hell... i loved him even though he hit me and was a alcholic and wasnt motivate to get a better paying job,i was even going to marry him but i had to do what was best for my dd..... i called my dh up explain my situation and how i felt about him...all he said was i'll be here for u..he left his ex gf friend and moved in with me...it wasnt love at first sight...we were already engaged when i said i love u for the first time...my love for my dh grew what fianlly did it for me was watching my dd and dh play together and were having the times of their life i relaize her dad would never do that for her and that how i knew i made the rite choice
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 8:19 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • its hard to forget your first love and u will never forget but u have to see whats best for u and who will be there for u, your x went threw alot with you and u coped with all that together theres a back history for the 2 of u. but sometimes thats not the best thing its a memory and a loving one i would keep it that way.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:37 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • You will always love your ex because of the things you went threw with him, and because he was your first love. But sometimes that isnt enough! There is a reason you 2 are not together today, and you need to remember that. You really need to think about what you truly want because I can almost promise you that if you leave your SO for your ex and things dont work out then you messed things up with a good guy for no reason. and you also should stay with your SO just because of money, because that wont make you happy in the end!
    mrsmamaj

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 8:39 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I don't think that you should be with either of them. Its night right to use your current SO just because it is convenient and he is probably more a friend then anything to you. Your ex is a loser, so don't go back down that road. I think that you should figure out what you want for yourself and learn how to provide for your daughter on your own.
    smarshy

    Answer by smarshy at 8:44 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Maybe this is a stupid ? but what's an SO?
    honeychick772

    Answer by honeychick772 at 10:33 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • Honeychick, SO means Significant Other. In this case, my SO is my boyfriend of 3 years.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 12:08 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN