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alcoholic husband is now smoking pot!! Please help.

I want to keep this anno. because I am really embarrassed but I needed help. My husband who has to have his friday night drinking binge is now smoking weed. It is supplied by his 45-50 year old friends. He is 23. I have asked him to not go there for over 8 months. I just finally thought he might stop this weekend, instead he takes a family there and they both do it. I am worried about his job and our future. Also the who give it to him do coke once in a while. My husband told me when we meet that he would never drink or do drugs again. He was a addict as a kid. I can't go to watch over him cuz of my son and I don't drink more then once every three months I have a margrita. The men who actually give it to him are very high class. They won't listen to a SAHM and housewife. I don't know who to tell or what to do . Please help this is serious. I am about to leave him. I will not have my son exposed this. Thanks.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Jun. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You HAVE to leave him. You deserve better and your son deserves a childhood that is not filled with the insecurity and lack of safety that an addicted parent provides. Don't do this to your child. Leave him and tell him that you guys can date again when he is two years clean and sober.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:44 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • contact alanon
    is there a friend or family member you and your son can stay with until he gets into treatment?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:46 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • I could stay with family but without him I will lose eveything. He makes 800 to 1000 a week. If I don't have him I have nothing. We just bought our first home a year ago and I refuse to give it up. Thanks for the advice. my mind is crazy. Everytime I say something to him he says why is it always my fault, what about you. and then he can't say anything because all I do is never leave the house and take care of everything. I even do the "man" jobs of the house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Jun. 14, 2009

  • This is never going to change and you have to decide if you are willing to subject your kid to this for the rest of his life in order to avoid material discomfort. If he is an alcoholic, he will eventually lose that job and you will lose everything anyways. You can't fix him, you can't change him, and he won't change himself. This will last the rest of your life and it will ruin your kid. Is that really worth the money? We cannot offer you a solution that will in any way make this better.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 12:05 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Can you tell him you have accepted the binge drinking but refuse to put up with the pot and that you'll leave? Can you without fighting and more level headed/matter of fact, just say you can't have it in front of your son and he's already a recovering addict (is he if he's drinking?).

    Look, you have a choice to stay for a while or go, no matter how broke you''ll be or no matter who you have to sponge off of for a while until you get on your feet. Sooner or later, you'll be forced into this decision either for the safety of your child or because he'll begin to screw up his life and lose his job.

    I think you need to have a chat and when you're ready for that talk, really mean what you say, fear aside. Good luck.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:07 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Well, if he is not hurting anyone/being mean to you, then why can't he have ONE night to do these things. If he makes that kind of money, he must have a stressful or laborous job and just wants to let loose. If he is not doing it around your son, and is responsible with going to work, paying bills, etc.. then why is it such a problem. He is still at a young age, and you should be glad he has older friends. To me, drugs really arent a problem, unless they affect your life, like not wanting to go to work, staying in a room all day, My husband is heavy drinker and frequent pot smoker, some people like to let loose that way. This is whats wrong with todays marriages, if someone doesnt like what the other is doing, they simply say, well i guess i will leave you then. Thats not how marriage works. Yes, needs have to be met by each person, but as soon as you, tell a man what to do, he will shut you out
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Anon at 915, this guy was an addict already. The friends occasionally do coke. And you think this won't escalate? Wow, are you the one smoking dope?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Actually, I do smoke dope, and most pple that are drug free, can't get past the idea of having a good time. (Not everyday, but once a week) Everybody panics and thinks they are going to turn into a full blown drug addict. Thats not how it works.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • yes he does have a very hard job. But I did too once. It is just that every friday he HAS to go or he freaks out. Actually the above post sounds just like my husband ( if he wasn't sleeping) . He takes my car so every friday I have no way to do anything. I have't gone out on a friday in about 10 months.I am worry that he gets into a accident and kills someone or at least loses his license. And that means he will lose his job. I know either way I will get screwed and loss the house probably. I just want my husband back that I for many years. And now he is starting to lie about what he does every friday. I find out cuz he will say something to me or someone and forgets that he didn't tell me. I just don't want it to affect my son, I know alot of anrgy adults whose parents have split. I wish their was a way for this to work without spilting up. Thanks ladies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I posted above you, Im 25, my husband is 22, I see your concern, we never go out fri or sats, he is a home body, But I know how you feel b/c my ex was like that, had to go out every fri and if he didnt, we would argue and he would think its the end of the world. Why doenst he have his own car? Next fri, dont give him the keys to your car. Or, why dont you get your parents or his to babysit, and go out with him to see whats really going on, You be the driver so he is not driving drunk. If he is doing shady things, he will not like that idea and you will know something more is going on. Try replacing his friday night, with a date night for the two of you. My ex never stopped and thats why he is the ex. My husband would never go out with friends and leave me home(there is nothing wrong with being with friends) but he just wouldnt do that. If all else fails, leave and he will get the idea you are serious.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

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