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I feel SO unsexy does anyone feel the way i do????

So heres the thing, I just can't get a grip that everytime me and the hubby go out i feel like hes always looking at someone else ughhh it drives me insane!!! I just had a baby 3 monthhs ago and have stretch marks and a flabby belly and i just don't feel sexy at all. even when i go to actually try and do the deed he doesnt want it i'm like are you kidding me!!!! I thought guys always wanted it, and that makes me feel even worse then ever. I mean when we actually get alone time and i go out of my way to do my makeup and wear a cute little outfit and go all out for him his excuse is always and i mean always "I'm tired "wich he doesnt have a job and he always goes out and does stuff and im home with the baby like come on i should be the one tired and the other thing is the damn xbox and computer and t.v.can someone please shine some light on this situation and make me feel a little better please!!!! Thank you!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 AM on Jun. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Ask him... only he knows the answer to this.
    If you're uncomfortable with your body, try to do something about it tho. Whether we are or not, we need to feel sexy, we need to feel loved, appreciated etc...
    Tell him how you're feeling. Having a new baby is stressful, and if he's not working because he's choosing not to work... then something isn't right there anyway. Who's paying the bills?
    Maybe when the baby wakes up at night, he can't get back to sleep? I was worn out the first year of my child's life. My first one woke up every two hours for I don't even know how many months. She didn't sleep thru the night till she was prolly 4 years old.
    Talk talk talk and then talk some more about how you're feeling.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:49 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • yeah I agree that men are dirtballs for sure. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's not uncommon though. Be strong and tell him early on that you are owed his help. Why because he made a baby that's why. If I'd taken that ground I would be where i am now. No matter if he gets a paying job ever or if he doesn't or if you support financially the family ever - he made a baby that needs 24 hour care and there are plenty of hours that he has to step up to the plate and take over for you responsibly and caring and to help you while you are with baby and in house. If those words don't bring action then I'd tell him you're getting counselling and he has to join you or he has to leave. If you don't get this taken care of early on it will worse as more kids come and he distances himself even more. Men aren't made, by society early on in lives and even in grown up years, to be nurturers. They need to be told.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I've gone through this. It sucks and what sucks worse is the invevitable uncomfortable conversatoin you have to have with him. You need to just ask him what's up because if you dont' talk with him about it, you'll never know and the relationship will suffer for sure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • ... If I'd taken that ground I would be were I am now ... Sorry. Meant If I'd taken that ground I wouldn't be where I am now. I babied my husband while I babied my baby and the next baby and the next. Because more people said that he believed that he worked outside the home and had a legitimate reason for being disinterested, too tired. If he loves you with respect for you and the baby he made he will help you and relieve you and share with you. If it happens early on because of counselling that's good if he doesn't listen to 'just you'. If it continues for years, counselling really isn't useful and he therefore then doesn't have much love and respect. Prayers for you mommy. Get counselling your worth knowing your own worth in this world.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • He sounds like he just doesn't have his priority's straight. You just had a baby it is normal to feel like you are not sexy but it is also normal for your body to heal and it takes time to get back in shape. He needs to be telling you how beautiful you are and wanting to make love to the mother of his child! He shouldn't even be going out alot with you and the baby, he is a family man now. Do you think he is cheating? Im just asking cause of the " Im tired" thing. Anyway, you definitely need to talk to him about how it's time to grow up...it SUCKS but it's life. When you make choices and have babies it's time to live for your child and not just yourself. Good Luck Girl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • feeling sexy is a state of mind so I'd suggest working on that. Men are attracted to positive energy and confidence. Focus on the positive of you and your marriage. Draw from that and help change your attitude from despondent and down to upbeat and positive. Just try it and see if he doesn't respond. It's not about your body, it's about your energy and the way he perceives you. Find reasons to smile and laugh. That will draw most men in. They enjoy the thought of having a good time. Then it might lead to really having a good time! Woo Hoo!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:26 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • the x box video game crap looks like he is reliving his child hood that he probably never had and he see oh my wife has it under control no we need help too men are dumb they don't come with mothers hands they gotta be sat down and told and explained if he gets very bad maybe u need to burn his ass with a pot when u are cooking one night casually walk by him accidentally meaning on purpose oops im sorry honey did i burn you lol right on his fucken ass so he cant sit on it anymore time to grow up lol
    ohmama213

    Answer by ohmama213 at 2:27 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Did he watch you have the baby? I mean, did he actually see the baby crown and stuff? My SO saw it with the first one, he looked when he thinks he most likely should not have, and he didn't want to have sex for the longest! It had nothing to do with me, really, lol he just saw me all ripping apart and giving birth! That may be part of what is going on.
    As for the not feeling sexy, it will pass. It's just getting used to the post-baby body where we used to just KNOW we were hot!
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 7:23 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • i know how you feel, but if he is looking at someone it doesnt mean he is cheating, it just means he think other people out there are attractive, i find no harm in that myself....my hubby loks and it makes me laugh cause the girls he looks at b4 i got preggers had my exact body type and i dont see no harm in it...i look at johnny depp and tell him all the time if he came up to me and said let me take you here and now i so would...he says the same thing about mariah carey....just be confident in your relationship...he is with you, not the girls he is staring at....
    Mamaof2boys0709

    Answer by Mamaof2boys0709 at 7:53 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • yeah i feel the same way. i feel like hes looking at other girls. but usually when a guy dont want to do things he might be getting it some where else , so check his phone or see what hes getting online. my husband used to get on dating sites and chatrooms a few times until i caught him and left he decided not to get on there again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

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