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What do do about being disrespected??

My grandfather whom I was very close to and lived with as a teenager passed away. We had visitation 2 nights from 7-9. I have 2 BILs that are married and 1 SIL. Only 1 BIL came to pay his respects. I never saw any other family besides my MIL and FIL. They haven't called or anything. One SIL has Fridays off and did not come to the funeral mass that was on Friday. This was a local "event". I am very hurt and angry and do not feel like I am part of my husband's family. I have paid my respects to their family at others' passing. Any thoughts or helpful ideas?? I feel like my husband should let them know they really hurt me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Jun. 15, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (7)
  • I THINK YOUR HUBBY SHOULD LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. BUT IF YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT WHY WOULD YOU WANT THEM AT THE FUNERAL WHEN IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THERE IS NO LOVE THERE? YOU ARE THE BIGGER PERSON HERE FOR BEING RESPECTFUL OF THEIR FAMILY, YOU CAN'T FORCE ANYONE TO DO THE RIGHT THING BUT YOU CAN CERTAINLY KNOW WHAT KIND OF RELATIVES THEY ARE FROM THEIR ACTIONS, TREAT THEM ACCORDINGLY.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:35 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • They may just feel like you need this time privately to mourn. I wouldn't take too much offense, honestly. As callous as it is, they also may just not have been sensitive enough to think that you would need their support. They didn't know the man or have a close relationship with him, so why should they be bothered? It really isn't something to have family drama over. I'm sorry for your loss, and they probably are too. Just not as much as you would like.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 11:35 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I agree with you totally...
    If I was in your shoes I would have hubby talk to them.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:40 AM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I think it is great that your MIL and FIL came. My family is spread out across the country. So sometimes I don't even make it to my own family funerals. Some people don't DO funerals, and some people only go if they are close to the deceased and don't think to go to support those left behind. It would be nice if your husband spoke to his mother about how you feel and your expectations. But you also need to understand that your BIL and SIL are not related to your grandfather.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope you have many happy memories of your grandfather to fall back on in the coming days.  I know how hard it is and how it hits you for no reason days and weeks later.  I also hope you have other family of your own that you can grieve with.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I understand but all you can do is kill them with kindness.
    Make sure any seperation can not in any way be blamed on you.
    Then talk about it.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 2:15 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • You're husband can let them know you are disappointed but it probably won't change much. The best you can do is to find a way to forgive them and then allow yourself the freedom to grieve.

    I'm sorry for your loss and for you're being hurt.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 2:20 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • sometimes people like that aren't doing it to hurt you, but because they are unsure as to how you deal with situations like this.. if you prefer only those closest to you.. or you want them to be included.. and you have to go out of your way to extend an invite for things like this..

    if you did however.. then I can't say anything beyond talking to your hustband, and talking together to see if there is any productive way to explain to them how you felt.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 4:43 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

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