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Is this mean?

I am not chasing my daughter anymore. I tell her to come home from school, do your homework and then you can go out. I have tested her for drugs, because she never, ever did anything like this before, I know she is going through a tough time 13 and making new friends, but I can't keep chasing her. So, from this day forward, i won't chase her-she promised she would be home today, lets see what happens, after being grounded for the weekend-you think she would, I just will punish her on Friday for the weekend if she don't, and I will make her summer misarable. Yes, I took everything from her. She is more stubborn then me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Jun. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • This is a tough one nothing really works for all teenagers. My little sister is 14 and my mom has had a heck of a time with her for the last year. Kids at this age will find the time and place to do what they want so being over protective doesn't work. I wouldn't say stop chasing her she's 13... I would stick to what I say that's the main thing. Also don't wait a week to punish her teenagers are like toddlers and have a hard time seeing past immediate gratification. lol It's way harder to go back and change the rules it's better just to stick to them. GL to you
    mizsaxton

    Answer by mizsaxton at 1:51 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I agree with PP. In general, you have to know what motivates them and take it away. But I try to make punishments short, so they kid gets a 'feel' of deprivation but can quickly regain a privelege and be tested again. I think once they get in a cycle of obeying and getting to keep their privelge they will be proud and are less likely to disobey again. It sounds like a good idea to manage it week to week.

    I also wouldn't ramble on, yell, etc. Just state the facts/punishment. No sense arguing with a teenager!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 2:10 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Just so you understand, I have been punishing her for a day here, a day there, finally I took everything away, and now I have no way but having her stay in the weekend, if she does not comply today, I will have someone pick her up each day until she shows she can be responsible, I tried short term punishment, she has to know I am not kidding, I am not going to chase her like a fool around town. That is why I am putting my foot down, this is the end of my rope, that is why I am being so hard on her. This didn't just start it started in Sept, and now she is getting worst, it is now June and she is passing by the skin of her teeth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I think 13 is way too young to be going anywhere unattended, especially when you know she already is rebellious and disobeying. Our children had a lot of fun when they were growing up, but they entertained their friends at our house where we could keep an eye on them. They played sports and were involved in all kinds of school activities, but we were there. They were taught from a very early age what was acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and they were told that if they were ever made to feel uncomfortable or out of control, they were to come and find us. We let them know that we wanted them to enjoy their youth but without having to make decisions that they were not yet ready to have to make by themselves. It worked very well for our family. They did not resent us or feel like we were trying to deprive them. At the same time, they knew we wanted the very best for them.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:05 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Wow, 13 must be the age to defy! Is yours in 7th grade also? Mine is finishing 7th grade, and has been doing well. It has been a rough year. But we got through it. This is what I did: I told her to be independent, you have to be responsible. I told what I expected from her to be responsible, i.e. good grades, chores done, coming home when I tell you to be. Then she can some independence. But if she doesn't do those things, or falls behind, pieces of her independence gets taken, her phone, being able to go with friends, things like that.


    She has tested it. But so far, I think its working. She is not perfect, and I can't expect her to be. Be I can expect her to try, so if I see her trying, I tell her good job, and so on. Its rough I know, just be straight with her, don't give in, and some day it will get better. (Although be prepared if the someday doesn't come until she is 25:) Good luck.

    mommyaunt412

    Answer by mommyaunt412 at 3:40 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I also have a 13 who is defiant and likes to run.  We see a doctor.  My daughter went from a straight A student to a C student.  Has threatened not to come home at night, so she can do what she wants. She has anger issues and is avoiding things at home.Also puberty and her age is adding to the problems.  My daughter is on the verge of foster care if I don't put a stop to the running and her behaviors (something for you to think about).  The doctor told me that I have to put a stop to it now.  Yes, taking everything away from her is the right thing to do.  Making sure she comes home is the right thing to do.  I don't let my daughter go anywhere (out, ballparks, movies, friends house, etc.) until she changes her behavior.   You are the parent, not there friend.  In the long run, she will appreciate what you have done for her.  Since I have started doing this, I have seen a change in my daughter. 
    shaepetee

    Answer by shaepetee at 11:15 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • get a belt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on Jun. 27, 2009

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