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How can I get my husband to stop complaining?

I married for the first time at 34 as a childless single, my husband was 35 and divorced with no kids. We tried for a baby two years later, and at 38 had our one and only. I don't regret being a late in life mom as I didn't want any kids in my 20's. My husband constantly complains, wishing he had met me 10 years earlier and that he could have had kids earlier, when he was in better physical condition. He advises his unstable friends who are in married relationships to have kids early. One guy took him up on it and is now a depressed dad in a household of underemployment. How is advising people to not do what we did going to help me be a better parent now? He openly talks to other people while I am present of advising his "friends" to have their children early. I believe kids or no kids early or late is a personal matter. I am a complete misfit in this area, even in my own household. What do you advise?

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mimismom436

Asked by mimismom436 at 3:51 PM on Jun. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • What's done is done,he shouldnt worry about the age, some people would want children when they are young and some want to wait until they think they are ready. It seems to me he just wants to complain , he needs to suck it up and enjoy it.I hope everything goes well :)
    IloveJesus316

    Answer by IloveJesus316 at 4:02 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Remind him of where he was 10 years ago-- if he was in such a good position to have kids, why didn't he? Hopefully he'll realize that he made the right decision-- to wait and have a child with someone he loves, in a secure environment, etc.

    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 4:08 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Well while I understand your concerns, he might be right, according to the latest medical information concerning older fathers,but that's very debatable. However, he might be reacting to just that. I think his "complaining" might actually be him trying to seek forgiveness for what he perceives as something he is feeling guilty about. Most likely needlessly. Or maybe he's a bit sad. He may realize now that he enjoys having a child and does wish there could have been more for both of you. And as for the friend "who took his advice", most likely it had nothing to do with it, in the long run. And who knows, just because things are rough for the friend right now, he may tell your husband that he was right in a few years time. Once upon a time, my DH and I were struggling parents too, we're doing fine now.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 4:13 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Shoulda coulda woulda. LIving in the past... a big cop out men sometimes take is that their kids hold them back from life. B.S. he'd prob be complaining if he had them early, too. I agree with having them early, my son is much harder now that I waited 10 years..but not saying he would've been easy if I were say 20.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • THERE IS NO AGE FOR BEING A PERFECT PARENT! I KNOW PLENTY OF LATE 30'S PEOPLE WHO ARE IN GREAT PHYSICAL SHAPE! THATS NOT AN EXCUSE! HE JUST FEELS THIS WAY AND EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OPINION
    sailormoonjen85

    Answer by sailormoonjen85 at 5:05 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • tell him you can not change the past and to starting enjoying the present. Things happen for a good reason.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 5:27 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

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