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My husband and I are currently going to therapy to fix our communication problems. We have our good days and actually we have had less explosive fights. BUT, when we do have them now my husband is even meaner. He screams and insults me very badly. Yesterday....

We were in the car going shopping with out daughter when we had a little issue. I was trying to tell him something and he stops me to tell me that No, I don't feel that way and No, it isn't that way. I was baffled. How can anyone tell me how I feel. I certainly do not talk to him that way. I ask him why he thinks it is ok for him to tell me how I feel. He gets pissed and smashes my coke. Coke flies all over me and our daughter in the back seat. I could not believe how absurd he was acting. What would you have done. I just sat there and cried. I haven't really spoken to him since. Our daughter was upset too. I think he is very immature and no matter how much help we get he still acts immaturely. Is this hopeless or what?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Jun. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Call your counsellor right away and ask for an emergency session. Maybe try also to keep issues of hardship and disagreement for the counselling sessions and ask him to focus on his appreciation of you and you do same. If your counsellor won't see you until next scheduled session call around or see your minister. Good luck, I know what you mean.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • You took vows to stay w/ him for better or for worse, right? I'd keep trying, keep pushing through. Sure he acted like an a-hole with the coke thing. And you're going through a tough time. ALL marriages have tough times. But work through it, you promised you would when you chose to marry him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • my husband knows better than to act like that, but i dated him for 4 years b4 we got married so i would really know him & i knew he wasn't a jerk b4 we got married
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I think counseling peels back layers of insulation keeping our feelings covered. It sounds like you are making progress in exposing his feelings and now he's acting out trying to cover them back up so you will throw in the towel and stop counseling. It's a defense mechanism he's using to try to manipulate you into ending the counseling.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:30 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I would work through it but i would also let him know weather it be in front of the counsler or not you need to tell him that you will not be treated that way especially in front of the child/children. Make it known that if he keeps it up and there is no change in that behaivor then that's it because you nor your kids need that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • how old is ur DD? if i was u i would try to keep the argueing, and fighting away from her. i wouldn't put up with his behavior, and if counseling aint working then something has to give. u don't have to put up with his exposive behavior. i put up with my x-hubby fighting, and argueing for 9 years. my kids seen it all they was happier when we left. if u need to talk im me. GL
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 6:33 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I think counseling peels back layers of insulation keeping our feelings covered. It sounds like you are making progress in exposing his feelings and now he's acting out trying to cover them back up so you will throw in the towel and stop counseling. It's a defense mechanism he's using to try to manipulate you into ending the counseling.

    I absolutely agree with this. I also would ask him (in front of your counselor) if he would consider anger management classes or counseling by himself. I would also avoid issues in the future that would cause any disagreements between you two unless you are 1) away from your child and 2) possibly only in front of your counselor.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 6:38 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • I think he has an anger management problem which can be dangerous. He won't like it one bit, but he needs help with this. If he cannot get his disrespect and anger under control, I would consider leaving...sorry. Everyone says to stay but you can damage your daughter and it's not worth it.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:51 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • OP: I agreed to love and honor him and I have. I have kept my promises to him. When things got tough I even suggested counseling. I was happy he agreed to go. I have my limits though and I have to consider my child who is only 6 years old. She doesn't need to see him scream and call me names and smash a coke on us. Definately not on her. She has nothing to do with our issues. Those of you who say I owe it to him because I married him are just wrong. I owe him love and respect and to be faithful. I have done those things. I have stuck it out for some time now and if he continues to do this I can't say oh well I have to stay because I am obligated to. I agree with you jeanclaudia. Oh and we dated for 4 years too. I knew him before we got married. He had and has issues with immaturity. It was ok then though bc he wasn't an ass like now. He wasn't aggressive. I do agree that counseling is peeling back layers too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • OP: I am willing to stick it out but I am not willing to continue to take his violent attacks when I have no way of getting away from it or removing our child from the situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

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