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I failed my son :(

Okay, I will probably get bashed all to hell but IDC! Okay, I have a 6 year old son. Who spent alot of time "living" with my parents. I was pregnant, very sick and having MAJOR marital problems. While I was pregnant my DS was in a different state staying with my family. (DH is military) I know I shouldnt have let him do that, I know I suck......(so you dont need to tell me) ANYHOW, My DS is so spoiled. He cries all the time (I understand, he misses "home") He is demanding. Wants to watch tv all the time, will NOT go play in his room.....pretty much he is used to getting ANYTHING he wants, and RIGHT when he wants it. How do I get him happy to be here? He dont want to be here because I wont let him act like a brat. How do I get him to act like a "good boy?" I dont want to punish him or anything because I feel so shitty for letting him stay away from me...but I have to do something..any tips? Im going insane!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Jun. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • I just know from having my son gone on weekends with his nana that it takes time to get him back in routine. Its really hard and frustrating and sometimes makes you want to just yell but then i realize its not his fault; just hold your ground he'll get over it he needs to know he can't act like that with anyone-well i guess except with grandma. good luck.
    heartfrommyson

    Answer by heartfrommyson at 11:06 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Don't feel bad, you did what you felt was best for your family at the time. I wish I knew what would help. The only thing I can think of is to just let him get used to things. But you probably will have to punish him or his behavior will only get worse. I know I didn't help much, and I am sorry. But stop being so hard on yourself. NO ONE is a perfect mother and anyone who says they are is a liar.
    TeriMelisa

    Answer by TeriMelisa at 11:06 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Just because THEY spoiled him doesn't mean YOU failed him.

    This is going to take time. Its all about consistency. There are rules in your house, and he is your son - he needs to follow them. Don't be afraid to punish (within reason of course) if he is not following the rules. Not punishing because you "feel bad" is not doing you or him any good.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:07 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • Well I am sorry but you should have thought about that before you let someone else raise him for 6 yrs or however long. You can't expect for him to listen to you when you haven't been a part of his life. Have you thought about going to counseling with him? He might have resentment towards you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • man o man I hate it so much when people get bashed for doing the best they can under very difficult circumstances. I'm not kidding. I've had my share from my family. Do you get along with your parents, can your son or they call him every day or every couple of days for reassurance? I think you gotta set limits for him of how long he can rant and rave with out being sent to a different room or a specific chair to calm down in. How old is ds. Maybe he misses his dad too? Can there be a connection some how there at some point? Maybe counsellng can help. Good for you for knowing he's acting up out of sadness from missing his stand in parents while you were getting better. Maybe too set up some calendars or posters in different room with different markers or even colored pencils and write in words of praise for gentle, calm behavior. That way he'd see all over your home how good of a son he is and how loved he is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • This could have been my dad's situation back when he was a kid in the early 1930's.

    His mom got pregnant with him at 18. She was married shortly to his dad, but it didn't work out.
    She didn't or couldn't work and have him with her and still go out, so she left him with her mom.

    My dad's grandma raised him for at least six years before my grandma decided her and her new husband and his son had to have my dad come live with them....she just took my dad away from his grandma. He didn't want to go with her. She MADE him. He missed his grandma TERRIBLY..

    My dad became a bad stutterer. He would lock himself up in his room to get away from the family. When he turned 18, he joined the military to get away.

    He has had "issues" with intimacy ever since. He has been a repeat cheater on my mom and wasn't interested in spending time with me and my brother...these days or back when we were little.

    Send the poor kid back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • OP~ Let me clear up some things lol....Nobody raised him for 6 years! It was about 6 months. I know I will have to punish him.....(I meant I felt bad for it, he has only been here for a week) How do I get him to not cry and be whiney so much? He really does cry more than my 8 month old. I know he is stressed out.....he has always been emotional.......sighs
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • OP~ Yes he talks to my family all the time...and his dad lives with us, I am married to him. lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • OP~ Why on earth would I send him back? and also, this isnt actions just here. He is mostly spoiled! How do you "unspoil" a child?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

  • You just need to lay down some rules and act on them, tell him if he don't follow the rules he will sit in a conor or go to his room or how ever you punish him, anyways and when he acts up make sure you send him to his room or whatever it is you told him your going to do, I've been doing this with my son and it's been working well, and it wil take time, first they will push all your buttons but you just make sure you stay strong and do what you told him you were going to do if he don't listen. YOU DID NOT FAIL HIM YOU JUST DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO FOR HIS WELL BEING AND YOURS SO DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO ALL THE BASHERS CUZ THERE OPINION DON'T MATTER ANYWAY good luck
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 11:28 PM on Jun. 15, 2009

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