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help!

i found out my daughter who is 4 was touched by a 6 year old girl. i talked to the mother and she told me and older girl touched her daughter. she had my daughter take off her clothes and stuck her finger in the whole. well after talking to the mother 2 minutes later she let her daughter play outside like nothing just happened. and i found out after talking to the mother that my daughter told her that her daughter touched her and she just gave her a time out.. should i say anything to her? im so sad and pissed off. she was my friend i feel like i want to beat the crap out of her for just a time out does she not care? what should i do? i told my dd that she couldnt talk or play with that girl ever again. and had the whole dont let anyone touch you talk im so proud you told me you always tell me. she said she was scared to say no. well to my question.. is there anything else i should do or say to my daughter?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Jun. 16, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (7)
  • No, don't make too much of a big deal out of it. Say "honey, don't ever let anyone touch you (in private places) - and good girl for telling me what happened." -

    Chances are if this older girl did this to your daughter then someone has done this to her before- io would warn her mother and tell her to talk to her daughter about what's appropriate and wgats not.
    after that i would not regain contact, just to protect your daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • First, you did the right thing by not overreacting to your daughter. But you are not overreacting to your friend. She put her finger inside, like all the way inside? Were you aware at six there was something other than a pee hole or that you could stick something in there? I'm npt sure what to do. Perhaps tell the child's school. The child doesn't need punishment; she needs help.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 11:55 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I didnt know how to talk to my friend because first i really thought how would she know how to put it in the whole. i sure didnt know about that until i was in high school. And when she said that her daughter was touched i felt bad. But after our talk i asked my daughter why didnt you tell her mommy she touched you she said i did and she did a time out!! I havent talked to her since i dont know what to do. but i know my daughter isnt playing with hers anymore. i wasnt sure if i should call dcfs or just let it be. and im afraid if i go over there ill lose it this time because she made it out to be nothing what her daughter did.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • and im not saying she needs punishment. but if my daughter touched someone i wouldnt let her play outside 2 mins after the persons parents left. i would be talking to her trying to figure out whats going on how she knows why she did it and what to do next. its not okay for her to do it and letting her go play shows her hey do what ever you want.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I hear what you're saying op. Give the mom the benefit of the doubt - she probably needed time away from her child to process it. Maybe. I hope. Because I totally get what you're saying!
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 3:05 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I would talk to my daughter about strangers, private parts like you did. Here are some books that are helpful http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom3-20?%5Fencoding=UTF8&node=6.   I would also talk to the mom.  As a mom, I would want to know this.  In the future, i would not let them play unsupervised.

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 5:10 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I have this problem only it with my girls(3 & 4) trying to touch each other last year they were molested by a man and every since they have been getting counseling for it and i constantly have to watch them but they are getting better the only way i have been able to get them help is through cps i think you should call you never know the mother may have never told anybody about it and that its self is neglect on her part she needs to be getting her child help so that she is not doing this to other children that is one of my biggest fears for my girls but i know they will be just fine because they are getting the help they need now!!!
    whatitbebb

    Answer by whatitbebb at 5:57 AM on Jun. 29, 2009

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