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Need some insight about my friend's decisions..

I have a friend. She has 2 kids by the same man. But let me back track a little here. The guy she has these kids with is a DEADBEAT. When they had their first daughter they were together in a relationship. They broke up. (well he broke up w/her, said he wanted to be single). She wasnt happy about it but she accepted it. When their daughter was 4, she got pregnant with their son. They were still NOT in a relationship when she got pregnant with baby #2. So she has her son, then when her son is 8 months old she gets pregnant by him yet again. At the time she was also messing around with another guy. She told her kids' father the baby was his. But she also told the other guy it was his baby b/c she wanted him to pay for the abortion b/c her kids' dad wouldnt. So she end up paying for the abortion herself. Fast forward a yr later & yea u guessed it--- she is pregnant by her kids' dad AGAIN. She's keeping this one. But WTF?????

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Jun. 16, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (5)
  • Some women are fools... simple as that. I would find it hard to keep a relationship with her she seems as though she doesn't have much self esteem... that or just doesn't care when or how babies get here and how they are taken care of once they're here.
    mizsaxton

    Answer by mizsaxton at 10:29 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Sounds like she has some issues. She shouldn't be sleeping around like that, obviously she is not concerned with consequences. She is not mature at all. Your right to think WTF, i would too! You can't just screw who ever you want, whenever you want, & then just get an abortion if you happen to get pregnant. That is irresponsible. She sounds like a sorry woman, maybe you can be a good role model for her.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:29 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Why are you so concerned not judging just asking??

    JULIAN01

    Answer by JULIAN01 at 10:33 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • ~~Julian01. Why am I so concerned?? Because she's my friend. The man she's choosing to have these kids with has told her over & over again that he does not want to be with her, but yet he continues sleeping w/her & making these innocent babies. I dont think my friend is a bad mom--please don't misunderstand me, but on top of everything, she leaves her kids with her mom damn near every weekend so she can go to the club. Since she has been pregnant this time, she hasn't been to the club, but I have a feeling she will be doing the same thing once this baby is born. I feel sad for the kids. My friend is very defensive when I try talking to her about it so.. I dunno what to do if anything?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • What your friend needs is pretty basic: someone who accepts her, even with her silly choices, and an example of a different way of making choices. That is: a quiet, unobtrusive and balanced person being herself in a quiet, unobtrusive way, while saying 'oh, that's fine' about all her choices.

    No one EVER moves from a defensive position. If she thinks you're attacking her or her choices, she'll dig in and justify those choices -- to you and to herself. Great. Now she's way more likely to repeat them.

    If, otoh, you openly accept that she is where she is, and what she's done to get here is done -- and she's still okay and you still respect her and like her, then she has one small window of acceptance through which she may someday be able to see her choices clearly.

    She sounds like she's really needy: anyone's attention and love (rubbing body parts is close enough) is better than loneliness.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:22 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

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