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I am losing my mind and not in a good way!!!!!

For the last few weeks, I have had VERY high anxiety. I cannot go to sleep at night without wondering if someone is going to try and break in and hurt my children. Then I have flashes of thoughts in my head about someone hurting my children and I get freaked out. I have literally been a walking mess! I have scheduled an appointment with a mental health physician to see if there is anything they can do to help me but I am worried that since my appointment isn't until Monday that I am going to lose it on my kids. My DS keeps coming out of his room in the mornings and going through the house. He unlocked the front door (which scared me to NO END) as well as hid the car keys and DF's cell phone. He also has climbed up on my desk to get an antique car left to use by DF's father (who died a while back). The reason I am bringing this up is because today I almost threw my DS across the room. (C)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jun. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • (OP still)

    I called my mother and she is going to keep my children until after my appointment on Monday. Of all the people whom I feared hurting my children, the LAST person I thought it would be was ME! I do NOT want to hurt my children and HAVE NOT hurt my children. I am just afraid that the anxiety is getting to be a SERIOUS health hazard for them and I need to think of what I can do to improve the situation. If you're going to bash me, I don't give a damn. I am past the point of caring about negative responses. I just need HELP!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Well all I can think of is to call you doc and explain that things are urgent. I'm sure if you called and explained, they will get you in sooner.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 11:40 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • (OP again)

    Because of my medical insurance, they cannot give me an appointment before Monday and that is the earliest appointment they have. I HATE Blue Cross and Blue Shield now... I have also called around to other mental health physicians to see if they could get me in earlier and its a no-go so far.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Sweetie the best thing for you right now is aknowledging the stress you are under . raising children alone can be trying at times. If you are seeking help that is the number one thing to do . thank God your mother is willing to help. You are dealing with the stress of loosing your husband , remember this was thier father as well. the feel the lose also. Children need to feel close to the ones they have lost, maybe let play with the "car" under your supervision. they will no that is the only time to play with it. Put a hook lock up on theouter door high where they cannot get to it. your anxiety is understandable after your loss. In time that fear will subside. . talk to the kids about their father and let them know he is not gone just in a special place and always watching over them. Maybe you need to discuss with them how they feel if they are old enough my 4 year old grandson knows he has an 'Angel-Brother" he knows about.
    gmarose

    Answer by gmarose at 11:59 AM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • continued from above: My Angel grandson became God's Angel in 2005, we still have his pictures up and his brother was 9months old. He will tell you he has an Angel brother who watches over him. He still talks to him at times. You will need to find your own way to handle your grief mine was in writting journals for my grandson about his brother and in poems i write. Maybe if you tried to write some journals bout your husband for the kids while your memories are so fresh, it would help. Try to get them to do so with your help if they are old enough. I feel you will make it, Trust in yourself dear. The kids mdon't know how to express the feelings they have and it might help to give them an avenue. Kids will test Moms a lot. especially when they are stressed as you are good luck my prayers are with you .gmarose
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • (OP again)

    I didn't lose my husband. My DF's father is the one who passed away and the car is actually a model car that he and my DF built together. I guess I should have been a little more informative about that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • You are doing the right thing by getting help. I can't believe your insurance - that is awful! Keep someone in your house for accountability until then. Use your husband's sick days. Whatever you need to do. Have him put locks high up on doors for your son's safety. This probably needs to be done anyway.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 12:26 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • (OP again)

    At the moment, my children are at my mother's house so their safety is completely taken care of. As far as my own, I do have an emergency number to call in case I start to feel worse between now and Monday. I have also informed my DF's mother that I could use her help (since she literally lives right down the road) and she's offered to come and check up on me on her way to work and from work. My DF is out of town for work and will not be back until later on tonight. Until then, I am going to stay in one of the CafeMom chats and talk to some of the ladies there as a means to try and keep my mind off of what is currently going on and to also keep myself as calm as humanly possible.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • you've alreadydone the right thing, and by talking about it on here, you are creating your own therapy. write down all the things u feel in a notebook, so u can present it to the doc on monday, and just writing about things will make u feel better before then so hang on and God bless
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:52 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • (OP again)

    I will definetly be doing that, mumma28. I do appreciate the idea and I honestly do think it will be very useful in the long run. I seriously want to thank you ladies for your help and I want you to know I greatly appreciate it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

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