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I asked this yesterday but didn't get much of a response...I am wondering about inviting my dh's family to DDs first birthday. All they do is fight to the point of tears. His brother in law is addicted to pain killers and can hardly talk because he's always too wasted. His parents are Jehovas Witnesses so they don't even celebrate anyway and I really don't want my DDs birthday ruined...

Wouldn't it be ok to just have the small family that she's used to and avoid all the fighting? BTW my DH doesn't really want them there either...what do I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Jun. 16, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (13)
  • Sounds like you already know what you should do! At least don't invite them all over on the same day...maybe bring your daighter around to see them instead or something so they don't all have to be in the same place........

    Answer by stepmom929 at 1:33 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I think since she is this young, she won't know the difference if they are there or not.I would go with your husband on this one.Don't invite them and give your dd a happy day.

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:34 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • if you do decide to let them come. give out the rules. its a first b day, its special. but i think stepmom is right. what can u really do?

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 1:36 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • All you can do is ask if they want to come and tell them that this is a time for your dd celebration not for fighting and if they do you will have to ask them to leave.It is the right thing to do to ask them to come(they are family),but, if they don't follow what you have asked, kick their hinies out.You have told them upfront what you expect and if they can't adhere to that, then you have justification in throwing them out. JMO

    Answer by Kat122 at 1:36 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • If the his parents don't celebrate anyway, why invite them and force them into something they don't believe in?

    If anything is said, there's your "out"....we didn't want you to be uncomfortable because your religion prevents you from celebrating birthdays.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 1:36 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • This is about your DD, not your DH's family. Have her party with the people she knows & loves, she will be much happier. If his family wants to see her for her birthday, schedule a time later when you can take DD to visit them. If they ask, you don't have to tell them your plans or just say you are having a special dinner.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 1:37 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • You know, when I turned 40 I decided that I would never again do something I didn't want to do or that I didn;t enjoy. Why it took me that long I don't know. If you have these people at the party you will be miserable and that will affect your daughter, but not having them there will not effect her at all because she is too young to know or care. Do what makes you happy so that you can always remember that party with joy. If you invite people you don't want every time you look at a picture of that day it will bring back all the crappy memories of the guy that was high and the sneering inlaws. Dont do it. Have a good time you deserve it too. Remember your the one that gave birth to her!

    Answer by lynda5 at 1:37 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Hmm. Why would you invite the addict over at ANY time, let alone on a birthday? And if your in-laws don't mark birthdays as part of their faith, you won't be insulting them.

    Invite who you really want there...don't worry about the rest.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:41 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • if your husband doesnt want them there either then dont invite them its your childs birthday not there and if they cant not respect you and your husband for that too bad
    that is why i never invited my husbands aunt to my daughters birthday she is a religion nut and i wont have her saying lets pray before having cake so hon if that is how his family is then dont have them over and they ask tell them the truth i dont want fighting or tears at my daughters bday if this is her first bday its more for you then her

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I can imagine you didn't get much of an answer. Thats hard to answer being an outsider. What kind of party are you having? If it is like a bbq with alcohol etc things might get hairy. Who is invited? Of course if you invite your family you should probably invite your dhs side. Do you think they would be expecting an invite? Have you been talking it up? Do you do alot of family gatherings? There are alot of what ifs. Do you have to have a party. If you feel you do, Is the party date and time set? If not make it Sat morning for a couple of hours and plan something else for later so everyone has to go home. Whatever happens, your dd will not remember this birthday. It's going to be your fun that is ruined. She won't notice a bit. Believe it or not the picture of your child in the high chair with cake all over their face and hair is all you need . :)

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 1:42 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

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