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How do you tell DH you don't want him at 4th of July function?

DH is a moody person. He gets very moody around my family. I don't really want him there, but I want to take the kids to this fun beach we go to with my family. I really don't want to deal with pis$y attitude and moody and grouchy and grumpy towards my family for no reason. Then he'll whine he wants to go home early and all that. I just don't want to deal with it. So how do I tell him kindly that I don't want him around on the 4th, to go do something else, even though he really doesn't know anyone to do anything else?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Jun. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I would just tell him, look if you are going to be misserable the whole time then don't go, I don't want to force you to do something you don't want, We will learn to have fun without you
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 3:21 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I would just be honest and say, "look, you hate going to see my family, and you don't have a good time, which makes me not have a good time, why don't I go see them and you go *fill in the blank*(play some golf, go fishing, enjoy the empty house)"

    Would that upset him?
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:22 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I would tell him that you know he won't have any fun, and you and the kids won't be able to have any fun either, knowing that he won't be having fun. So he can stay home and have time to himself.

    Good luck!
    misselphaba

    Answer by misselphaba at 3:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Hmm well I don't know if there really is a kind way to put it. He's probably going to be pissed either way that you are "ditching" him on the 4th. Why don't you just drive seperately? He could still come but if he gets in his shitty moods or starts wining and complaining than tell him he can gladly leave by himself! That's what I would do. If you don't want to or can't do that then I guess I would tell him that you would like to have an enjoyable holiday and since he seems to get an attitude when he's around your family, than you would rather him not even bother to come along.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 3:24 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I have the same problem with my dh. I just tell him that I don't want him to come and ruinit for us. He know's his moodyness bother's me and spoils times. So it's no surprise to him anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if he expects it at this point. He is making an effort to change though.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 3:25 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • quote: I would just tell him, look if you are going to be misserable the whole time then don't go, I don't want to force you to do something you don't want, We will learn to have fun without you

    Me (op): I do say this, he'll say he's going to be on good behavior and then is just quiet and sulks most of the time...not exactly good behavior, but he says "I'm quiet, it doesn't mean I'm mad" bull crap...on that one for him!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Gramsmom quote: I would just be honest and say, "look, you hate going to see my family, and you don't have a good time, which makes me not have a good time, why don't I go see them and you go *fill in the blank*(play some golf, go fishing, enjoy the empty house)"

    Would that upset him?

    me (op): no, it wouldn't upset him, but since he comes from this upstanding family, he can't POSSIBLY let his family go somewhere for the holidays without him. I'm not traditionalist. I don't think husbands and wives HAVE to be together on holidays....he does.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I agree with the driving separately. Tell him you know he doesn't always enjoy spending time with your family, so if he wants to go, he can drive separately, and leave if he's not having a good time.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 3:28 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Quoting Ash:
    Hmm well I don't know if there really is a kind way to put it. He's probably going to be pissed either way that you are "ditching" him on the 4th. Why don't you just drive seperately? He could still come but if he gets in his shitty moods or starts wining and complaining than tell him he can gladly leave by himself! That's what I would do. If you don't want to or can't do that then I guess I would tell him that you would like to have an enjoyable holiday and since he seems to get an attitude when he's around your family, than you would rather him not even bother to come along.

    Me (op): I might try that..just telling him to drive seperately so he can go home and I can stay with family for a night. My husband is so moody (he does TRY to work on it and it HAS improved over the years otherwise I would have left a long time ago)..that going on a Cruise somewhere for free would make him moody...ayiyiyiyi.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

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