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what's your favorite joke?!

share the funniest joke you know! we could all use a good laugh!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Jun. 16, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Turner Brown
    little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

    The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, “What’s wrong with you?”

    In a very weak voice the little guy says, “Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?”

    The big dude says, “I saw the curious look on your face and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

    I’m 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown.”

    The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said turn around.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 6:32 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Blonde joke......she sent this text-
    blonde-What does IDK mean?
    friend- I don't know
    blonde- OMG, no one does!
    NicMorgan

    Answer by NicMorgan at 6:28 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Where do you find a turtle with no legs?



    Right where you left him.

    I know it isn't the best joke, but it is the only one I can always remember.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 6:28 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • The Sweetness of Married Life


    The newlyweds were only married two weeks, when the husband
    said to the wife, 'Honey I'm going to Hank's
    Tavern to have a beer, I'll be right back.

    'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.

    'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he
    answered. 'I'm going to have a beer.'

    The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She
    opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
    different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different
    countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.

    The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing
    that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... But
    at the bar... You know...they have frozen glasses... '

    He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife
    interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass,
    Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of
    the freezer, so fro
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 6:29 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

    She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie
    Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres
    that are really delicious... I won't be long.
    I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

    'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She
    opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors
    d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom
    caps, and little quiches.

    'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know
    there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

    'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?... LISTEN UP, YOU CHICKEN
    SHIT! SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR FROZEN ASS MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOU'RE MARRIED AND YOUR SORRY ASS AIN'T GOING TO NO DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?'

    And... they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

    MARRIED LIFE............MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 6:30 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
    NewYorkCafemom

    Answer by NewYorkCafemom at 6:32 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I love Stephen Wright.....

    Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
    - Steven

    If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
    - Steven

    Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
    - Steven

    If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
    - Steven

    What do batteries run on?
    - Steven

    SORRY...couldn't pick just one...I love em all.
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 6:34 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

    He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

    The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

    He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

    The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

    He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

    "And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

    “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”

    The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

    “You bastard!” says the husband, “My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”
    aubrees_mommie

    Answer by aubrees_mommie at 6:41 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

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