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What kind of support would help women facing unexpected pregnancy?

Please, I don't want to start a war here. I am just wondering what is missing in our "safety nets" that would really make a difference. We have TANF, food assistance, Section 8, WIC, childcare assistance, heating assistance, emergency food pantries, and probably some other types of assistance I don't know about. Some of these are limited to just a few years. We also have PELL grants to help with school costs.

I saw a previous question on this subject, and some women pointed out that they did not want to be on PA. If the assistance doesn't come from the public sector, where would it come from? If it does, how will we pay for it?

I do understand hard times. I've been homeless (although not when I had children). I have nothing against people using the assistance when it is needed.

 
Iamgr8teful

Asked by Iamgr8teful at 7:17 PM on Jun. 16, 2009 in Adoption

Level 25 (23,279 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • Quote: "Many moms would not have relinquished had they known how adoption would have affected them and their children."
    But those same Moms dont know how parenting would have affected them and their children. What living in poverty does to a child, what not being able to fulfill any of your dreams does to you. No one has a crystal ball, it is easy to say how great of a parent you could have been in a perfect world but at that time, you made the decision best for you. .

    Quote " We need to stop glamorizing relinquishing a child and be truthful about its effects."

    Who glamorizes is? 99% of what is portrayed in the media is negative about adoption, It is not glamourized enough. Women who abort a child are given no guilt and women who make adoption plans are chastised.


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Churches help sometimes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • I don't know, but I'm going to have to look into it. I'm pregnant with my 3rd child (unexpectedly) and my husband (soon to be ex) is not allowed near my kids anymore so other than getting a job I'll probably have to be on every type of PA out there until I can get back on my own 2 feet.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Great question. I just read in a description of women who decide on adoption: they are often already on state assistance and have already used up all of the support that is available from family and friends for the care of their other children. She cant afford childcare so she cant work and simply cant get out of the cycle.

    How much more realistically cam be done...how much money can you be given before it pays for someone to GET pregnant.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Jun. 16, 2009

  • Keep in mind that PA isn't just giving money away haphazardly. These folks have to qualify for it and the birth parent who is absent has to pay it all back. Once the economy gets fixed maybe ppl can make it on their own but until society provides decent wages it's going to be reasonable to believe that ppl need help. So many folks don't even have jobs now much less decent wages so if a parent needs help for a while to provide for the family, I'm all for it. I had to get help when my kids were young. My x paid back every dime I got from the state including medical bills. So no one got "taken care of" by the state. It was more like a loan and I'm not ashamed I took the help. Personally I think socialism is an idea we should consider bc what we have now is making the rich richer and the poor poorer. jmho
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:00 AM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Excellent question!! For me, a middle class woman, I wouldn't even begin to have a clue as to where to get information on all that stuff if the need would ever arise (i.e. death of husband, divorce, etc.) and I would find myself needing help.

    Maybe it's already out there, but if there was one central place where a woman could go and have them help her find out exactly what she qualifies for and how to get back on her feet, that would help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 AM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • OP here - I think I wasn't clear enough in my question. I'm wondering what kind of support (financial or otherwise) will help women keep their babies rather than having to place them for adoption. I keep seeing the statement that if only women had enough support, they wouldn't be forced to place their babies for adoption. Looking at all of the assistance that is available, I am wondering if I'm just missing something.

    I think we're getting some responses from people outside the adoption triad who thought this was another question about whether or not people should get assistance. I'm glad for anyone's input, but it's not really answering the original question.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:16 AM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Lack of adequate financial resources IS a huge reason that many moms relinquish. When a pregnant woman goes to an adoption agency, the average agency does not direct her to resources that would help her parent. Why would they? They make their living from adoption. Although many of us understand that there are now many resources available, many women in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy do not. We need to let them know what is available to help them parent.

    We also need to provide more honest information about what it is REALLY like for most women who relinquish a child. Agencies, attorneys and many others portray relinquishing a child generally in a very unrealistic and deceptive manner. Many moms would not have relinquished had they known how adoption would have affected them and their children. We need to stop glamorizing relinquishing a child and be truthful about its effects.

    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:02 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • I know many moms too who only needed some encouragement and emotional support to parent as well. Adoption agencies and others often provide plenty of encouragement to relinquish, but many struggling moms need at least one person to tell them that they CAN parent. They need to hear that temporary issues generally improve and do not warrant relinquishment. No one should try to browbeat a mom into any decision, but telling a mom that if she wants to parent she probably can and should is not doing that. WE can help other moms by letting them know that most of us have experienced hard times at some point, but most of us are most stronger and more capable than we realize.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:09 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • I am pregnant with my third child and giving it up for adoption because I am financially unable to provide for it BUT...

    I refuse to live off of government assistance to raise my children! It doesnt matter what type of assistance is out there. It is not the goverments job to raise other people's children. If people cant afford to raise their own children then they shouldnt have them

    JUST MY OPINION and I am speaking from experience
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

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