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I'm trying to decide what to do, I know it's ultimately my decision alone but I'd like some advice?

I'm eighteen years old, a senior in high school and I am six months pregnant. I know that I made a mistake, but since the day I found out I have been doing all that I can to prepare for my baby. I got a new job with better pay, I already have an insurance plan ready for her, I live with my parents and I will be staying in high school.

It wasn't until just a few days ago that I started to wonder if I can handle this. I only want what's best for my daughter and I am doing all that I can and will continue to do so. I hadn't considered any alternative plans, but I had a little breakdown and told my mom I was scared and afraid I wouldn't be able to provide all that she needs. My mom then offered me something that I had NEVER thought about.

My mom offered to adopt my little girl. The thought of putting her up for adoption breaks my heart but if I were to do it, who would be better to raise her than my parents? (more coming)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Jun. 17, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (60)
  • CONT - My mind is telling me that this could be a good option but my heart keeps screaming no. My parents told me that if they did this I'd still be around her, and I could be as much of a mother towards her as I wanted to be or I could move on completely and act as a "big sister." I feel like that would be horrible.

    I don't know what to do. I'm scared to be a mom but feel like I can do it, but I want whats best for her. My parents have been trying for a baby themselves and were unable, they are only in their early 40's and would be perfect to raise her. I'm scared that I'm not cut out for this.

    What would you advise me to do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • aww, it sounds to me like your parents are good parents, so if this is something you would think about, i would say it deserves a chance. You could technically still have your baby around just dont do something like tell your child shes your sister!! tell her the truth. I think youve made good decisions so far, but know and understand most moms go through a stage where we FREAK out before the baby comes, i dont think anyone feels completely ready to handle it. What you decide is ultimately up to you. Just give it more thought, your parents are willing to help you, but if what your mom wants is permanent you may have more regrets as you get older and move out on your own and cant take your baby with you....

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 12:44 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • My cousin was adopted by our grandma because my aunt was only 17 when he was born. He had a GREAT life because of the decision that my aunt made. He has known his entire life that she was his birth mom and even calls her "mom" (as well as calling my grandmother "mom") but she was able to go continue in school and live her life without the pressures of being a mom.

    Having said that... it is TOTALLY normal AT ANY AGE to wonder if you will be able to provide for a child. Really think about what you want, why you want it and maybe see an adoption counselor to talk about how you feel. Dont let fear cause you to make a decision you wouldnt ultimately make. Because becoming a mommy, no matter what age you are or how stable you are, is scary

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 12:46 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • ooo wow. that is alot to take it. but honey, ull b just fine. pre baby jitters r normal. trust me. i was 14 when i got preg with my dd. im now 17 with an almost 2 year old and its tough but im doing just fine. u should be confident and its not a mistake (im not very religious or anything but..) god gives u only as much as u can handle and no matte how old u r ur baby is a blessing. i think you should raise her and ur parents will b around in case u get over whemled. its not as bad as it seems. if you need any advice or have questions u can message me. im not gonna judge u dont worry. u only hav a short amount of skool left so it wont be as hard for u. i do live with my parenst but they dont do anything for me, and i take care of my sibs for them. so its lik i have 5 kids, skool a job and so-so parents. if i can handle this, im sure you can. good luck :) and congrats.

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 12:47 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Oh wow. Right now I think it's wrong for you to let your parents adopt baby. They seem a bit controlling to bring that up. Since your living with them and they seemed supportive to help you it's weird that they'd bring that up because they'd have a lot of daily interaction with baby with you and baby living with them. I think it's that they want a baby so bad that you're baby is next best choice to take. Maybe get counselling for yourself. Try calling BirthRight they work with moms to be to be self sufficient with their own babies as well as with moms to be who adopt out. You have time to make a decision don't rush.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Everyone becomes afraid of what's going to happen when they're pregnant, and I can only imagine it would be worse being a single teen that hasn't graduated yet. It IS your decision, and the fact that you feel that it would be a huge mistake to give her up, even to your parents, might be a good indication of what you'll feel should you decide to give her to your parents. However, if they're going to take care of her until you finish out high school, then you'll be able to get a feel for what it would be like for them to adopt her. Do not take this to mean that I think you should drop out and raise her. FINISH HIGH SCHOOL NO MATTER WHAT. But if you don't want to be a mother, don't want to give up your childhood, still want to go out and party on the weekends, then you and your child's best bet would to let your parents adopt her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • whats best for her. would be to have her real mother raising her. i think thats whats best for all kids. i know this is hard for you. and im not gonna lie and say having a baby is easy but, seeing how ur baby grows makes it all worth while.

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 12:48 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • I think you need to do what you think is best....I think that if you want to be a mom then you can and you will probably do a good job. I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when I had him. I was terrified the whole time that I wasn't ready for it......But if you also really truly feel that you can't do it, then maybe letting your parents raise her wouldn't be terrible....I dont know though, I can't tell you what to do. I think you will make the right choice for you and your baby though....Hang in there

    Answer by logansmommy711 at 12:50 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • i have a friend who got pregnant and her parents adopted her child. she was 21 years old. she got pregnant again and then took back her first child and she is the happiest person ever. it sounds like you have extremely supportive parents. if you ever plan on having kids, i wouldn't let your mom adopt your child, but help you. sounds like she's willing to be there for you and help you. i know that i would regret giving up my child.

    this is ultimately your decision and a huge one. I would think about how your baby would feel knowing what happened. if you physically and mentally can't do it, then let your mom adopt the child. if it's just fear, that's normal, just push through it with support and you'll be an amazing mom.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • You must remember that if you sign over baby to your parents after a certain amount of time just like a private adoption you can't get baby back. Your parents obsession to have a baby and to adopt yours is scary. At some point you could retain your parental rights but move out for what every reason down the line in a couple of years, but give limited health care power of attorney to your parents and limited school power of attorney to them to act on your behalf with your wishes followed once baby is in school. A while back all over news, a couple gave a daughter when they were in hard times to a 'friend' based on verbal words, no legal papers. It's been a hell of a fight for those parents to get their daughter back - they were Aisan parents -don't know if any other responders remember this or not ..Your parents can house in their home your child with limited powers of attorney so your can retain rights-like military deplyd.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

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