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How can I help a friend who lost their baby girl?

Okay Cafemoms, My husbands friend just lost their baby girl. She was born premature and everything seemed fine but she had an intestinal infection and didn't recover. I am so sad for the mom and just dont know what I can do for her. The mom has thrown herself back into work. My husband doesn't know how to react around his friend. I understand to be there for them but what else can we do?

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Asked by catlady08 at 2:16 PM on Jun. 17, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (7)
  • Maybe do a smal Memorial service, but ask if its okay may help her grieve, or
    write her a letter
    just reassure that you'll be there if she needs to just cry

    Answer by Dom123123 at 2:20 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • That's about all you can do. Just ensure that they both have a shoulder to cry on. Your husband should just do his best to be sensitive to his friend, and assure him that if he ever needs to talk, he's there to be an ear. If you can, offer to help her around the house, or cook them a meal. Do whatever you think you can that will help to comfort them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • The best thing to do is be there for her and dont shy away or think it is wrong to talk about her little girl. I lost my little girl from prematurity and it is hard. Just let her know you are there when she needs you.

    Answer by nikkileerue at 2:24 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • o, how about if she already had a namee picked out giving her a necklace with the name or even a pillow or bracelet

    Answer by Dom123123 at 2:24 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • What a question indeed. How do you help someone who seems to be trying to move on but their friends can see the pain is beyond bearable?
    If it were you what would you do? If you lost your baby girl and your world has closed in around you and you feel like there is no escape...what would you want your friends to do? How would you want their help?
    I can't begin to give any advice since I don't know them as well as you do. My best friend adopted twin boys who were born at 6 months gestation. One surived and the other died in their arms after months of complications. How do you rebound from that? You don't. It stays with you all your life. I made sure to call her every few days and remind her I'm here and if she needs anything to call me. Once she felt up to visitors she came out to see me. Prayers for your friends and their daughter.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 2:24 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Just be there!! Tell them how sorry you are for their loss, and tell them that you'll be there to listen, or whatever else they need you to do. Thankfully, I've never lost a child, but I have friends that have, through miscarriage, sudden death, accident, etc. and all you can do is just let them know you'll be there for them.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 2:32 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Go to and buy her an 'I Have My Very Own Angel" t-shirt. She will love that you honored her angel in that special way.

    Answer by VashonsMommy at 1:09 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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