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What should I do? My daughter's best friend's mother is mad because she thinks my daughter is a lesbian

My dd's best friend moved away last year. They have been planning this visit since before she moved. DD's best friend is coming to visit for a month this weekend. My daughter and another girl friend have been sending pick up lines back and forth on facebook. They are just being goofy and cute with each other. Nothing vulgar or inappropriate. You know the pick up lines that are witty and funny when you first hear them at 15 or 16? Like "you must be tired bc you have been running through my mind all day". The mother of the girl coming to visit saw this on facebook and is furious. She called me last night at 11. She called the house and cell phone over and over until I answered (I was busy at the moment and didn't have either phone on me). When I called her back she and her husband were pissed. They said my daughter is gay and they don't know what kind of environment they are sending their daughter into. Continued

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Jun. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • They said I am obviously not supervising my daughter. That she is running wild. I am very serious when I say there is NOTHING vulgar or upsetting on dd or other girl's facebook page. I am friends with both of them and have read everything that upset this woman so much. It is nothing, less than nothing. Just teen girls being silly. I was in too much shock to say anything to this woman. I should have hung up. But I just told her my daughter is not a lesbian, and even if she was it wouldn't make her any less of a person. She would still be the wonderful, lovable girl that she is, it wouldn't make one difference. I haven't talked to her since. DD talked to BF today and said that the parents are rethinking sending their daughter here (plane tickets have already been bought). DD is very upset about this and has been crying almost non-stop. She has begged me to call the mom and defuse the situation. She wants to see her BF so bad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • I think the other mom should call and apologize to me. She was extremely rude, not by just calling so lately over something so stupid, but for accusing me of being a bad mom and not "supervising" my daughter and letting her run wild.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • It doesn't really make any sense....Unless she was looking for something all along to cancel the trip and not make it about her.

    Answer by Farrahann at 7:14 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Yes, maybe the other mom should apologize, but if its really against what she believes, it might never happen. Its sad that this situation even occured. But for your daughter's sake, I would call and talk to them. Good friends are a true asset in life.

    Answer by Lesli at 7:14 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • WOW talk about stupid. That lady needs to get with the times. My friends and I did that all the time when we were younger and my mom or theirs for tht matterknew we were never serious about it. it's just a silly things that people do to make the others laugh, like somthing a guy said to us the weekend b4 or somthing . I would call her for your daughter but I wouldn't apologize, I;m like you, I think she should she was nas and rude and calling you really late

    Answer by AshleyG. at 7:14 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • This is a good lesson for your daughter. Kids think that they live in caves and nobody knows, sees, hears....OR their behaviour, certain things about them.
    It's not stupid on the other parents part. They have certain ideals that they want for their child. You don't have to agree with them, it's their life and their child. They are put off by your daughters casual joking, as if nobody reads it. The internet is not private....this is what kids need to know.
    Did you know there are kids that can't get into their chosen school, or get their hoped for job, because of FaceBook?

    Answer by EireLass at 7:29 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Yeah thats stupid me and my friend used to do that in high school all the time! we would try to see who could think up the cheesest pick up lines lol. But for your DD i would call the other girls mom and talk to her about it.

    Answer by Shelii at 7:45 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Elrelass I will repeat they were NOT saying anything vulgar or obscene! Here is some of the things they wrote: "Is your dad a thief? Because he must have stole the stars and put them in your eyes" "If I follow you home will you keep me?" "Pinch me. You are so beautiful I must be dreaming"

    Are any of those lines offensive? If you heard another teen girl JOKINGLY saying those to another would you be upset and not want your daughter around her? Yes I know very well that people get in trouble for what they post on myspace and facebook and my children do as well. But the things people do to get themselves in trouble are things like under-age drinking or hateful, racist comment. My daughter did nothing wrong and knows very well that other people can read what she wrote. There is nothing that she wrote that she should be ashamed of or lose her best friend over.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • I don't think those are vulgar words, and I never said they were. I'm commenting on your post about the other parents thinking she's a lesbian. They obviously are not "gay friendly", and are concerned (misinformed would be correct I think) about what being around lesbians will be for their daughter...according to their own family values.
    The lesson for your daughter is obvious. People interpret things however they do, and then they perceive things. A person's perception is their truth. So by her doing silly gay joking (without being gay), someone else interpreted it differently. And this is how it turns out.
    The only thing your daughter can do if she wants the girl to come over, is to tell the parents that she is not a lesbian. If they don't believe her, oh well.

    Answer by EireLass at 7:52 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

  • Ignore EireLass. Yes things that are shared online are shared with all, but what your daughter was doing was harmless.

    Wasn't the bf sending things back to your daughter? Why is it that her mother has the upper hand with her child when her daughter was reciprocating but you aren't supervising your child? It sounds to me like she has the same problem.

    If the parents of this girl have made up their minds, there isn't much you can do. Just get your daughter involved in an activity where she is sure to make new friends that you will like.

    Answer by casperskitty at 7:54 PM on Jun. 17, 2009

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