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Need opinions please and sorry so wordy

My DD is 11 yrs old, her BFF the same age who is an only child. This girl is my favorite out of all her friends. She is polite, well mannered, fun to be around. She doesn't act nervous around me or my DH. The problem is she's rude to my 7 yr old DS. I know my DS can be annoying to the girls (typical little brother things), but she is so ugly to him. When she does bother to acknowledge him its to roll her eyes at him and talk to him like he's stupid. Most of the time she makes an elaborate show of ignoring him, even when he's speaking to her. My DD will let him come into her room when they're in there then her friend will kick him out or get on to him for touching my DD's things, even though DD didn't say anything. She always acts like my DS is going to get into or ruin her things, even though he's never done anything of the sort. How should I approach this? Do I say something to the girl? This will no doubt embarrass her then

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Jun. 18, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • (CONTINUED) she might not want to come over and thus effecting their friendship. Should I say something to her parents and again risk them saying something to her and it effecting their friendship or they might get offended. Do talk to my DD and have her handle it? My DS will never say anything. He's too sweet and doesn't want to hurt his sister. It breaks my heart to see him try so hard to make this girl like him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 AM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Yes I would say something. If she is being rude to your child or mean in anyway, I would not sit back and allow that. She is coming into YOUR home and even though she is a guest, she needs to respect the rules and other family members of the house. I would just politely tell her that she needs to be nicer to your DS and that you know he might be annoying at times but the way she is treating him is not nice. See where it goes from there. If she continues to be rude to him, than I would say she is no longer allowed to come over anymore. In my opinion, I don't care how important a friend is to someone in my family, if they are hurting another one of my children physcially or emotionally, they either straighten up or their out.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 1:17 AM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I think the best way to handle it would be to talk to your daughter about it. Let her know that it bothers you and that it's not fair to her brother to have her friends picking on him in his own home. It's not like he can go somewhere else. You might want to ask her how she would feel if an older family member had a friend that picked on her, and if she would want them around. Your daughter could handle it very easily by just telling her to leave her brother alone, and the friend wouldn't have to feel weird around you. I wouldn't step in unless she didn't stop.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Absolutely say something. Keep it short and simple. Tell her that your son is to be treated with respect, it is his house as well and she is not allowed to be mean to him or tell him what to do, that that is totally unacceptable in your home and you hope she understands. Just that simple. If she gets upset, oh well. She will get over it when she realizes she won't be able to play with her best friend unless she can be nice to the little brother.

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:12 AM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I would say something. If this girl is some one your family is comfortable with and is at your house, then yes. Even if it is just " we don't treat each other like that in this house". Hopefully she'll get the point. Maybe she needs to spend less time there. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 12:11 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • been there she is a wolf in sheeps clothing..she knows what she is doing.she knows she is playing the innocent aware eventualy she will start doing this to girls also.if she doesnt get her oldest daughter had a friend just like this.would act good as gold but when she is alone with someone watch out...

    Answer by raineydays377 at 1:32 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Yes, she needs to be talked to about how she is acting. Part of it is the fact that she is an only child and some only children don't know how to act around siblings of their friends. They are used to being the center of attention and have to learn how to act around others. My son is an only child and he has to be reminded of that on occasion. He is 13 and still has issues when more than one child is involved. It really helps that he is in baseball because it teaches him how to get along with others.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:46 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Not so well mannered if you ask me.. Being well mannered is being that way with everyone not just adults. I would def. say something. I wouldn't want my daughter to be friends with someone who is mean to her little brother. I would also expect my daughter to stick up for her little brother family first is the rule around here. She may be a little self centered being the only child at her home, but she needs to realize when she is in your home she is to be nice to everyone .

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

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