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MIL planning my baby shower, wont listen to me - what do I do?

My mother in law is planning my baby shower - it's for my second child, and will only include aboug 15 very close friends and family. A small, intimate affair. She wants to plan it for 3 weeks from now, and has informed me that it will be at least another week before she wants to send out the invites. I've tried to tactifully ask if it would be possible to send them out now, so that people needing to make arrangements in order to be there have enough time. She told me no, and that I should just contact the people invited - since they're my friends and family, not hers- and ask them to save the date in advance of the invitations. I'm out of my comfort zone here, but I'm afraid no one will be able to make it and this is my last chance to see my favorite people before the baby is here. What should I do? Am I being ungrateful?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Jun. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • No you are not being ungrateful. She is being disrespectful by only giving 2 weeks notice. That is NOT enough. You are suppose to send invites out at least 4 weeks in advance. You never know what othesr have planned or are doing that day and she should be respectful of their personal lives and finances. Straight out tell her.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • i would just call them and let them know the date now, and also inform them that she plans to send invites out in the next week or so that way they know to be on the look out for them. there doesn't really seem to be a point in arguing about something like that when you can easily just call or email people the date and time that way they can make arrangements for childcare or taking off work etc if need be.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 3:41 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I would just have some faith. 2 weeks notice should be enough. If it is someone from out of town cal and explain that your MIL is sending invites, but you wanted to give them a little extra notice since they are out of town. Just be gratefully and dont push. You asked once and that is all you can do...let it go, and try not to stress for the baby.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:43 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I would just call or e-mail like vabchmommy said, you don't want to argue with your MIL so you don't get on her bad side. Thats what my friend did she called everyone and let them know there also be invitations in the mail. Cuz it is summer time and people make plans ahead of time. Good luck

    Answer by looovemybabies at 3:49 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • If they live in your area, they'll get the invites within a day or so of her mailing them out.
    If you have a myspace, facebook etc... you can post a msg on the board saying "baby shower is scheduled for XXX, look for invites within the next X days.
    I'd also post too what type of theme you're using for the baby so they can be on the look out for items in that theme.
    As for Mom in Law... leave it alone, don't fight with her on this, if you don't like the way she plans this party... have your Mom or a friend to throw you another one post baby if need be as a celebration of birth (with or without gifts), it's nice to connect with friends.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:54 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • No offense, but she's a lousy event planner. LOL 2 weeks notice wouldn't be enough time for me. My calendar is usually booked weeks in advance. I give people at least a month or more notice when hosting parties. Ugh. I don't think you're being ungrateful at all... I'm not sure why she laid the responsibility on you if she's planning the party and why she thinks 2 weeks is acceptable. Either way, just send out the email to friends telling them your MIL is having a party for you and to save the date, the invites are on their way.

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 3:55 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • She's not giving enough time, but you're not gonna win this one. Make the phone calls.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:59 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I agree with the others. I would not fight her on this- she is going to mail them when she wants- no matter what. I would call up your guests and let them know that mil is throwing a shower for you on x day, she will be mailing invites out with more information (time, place) 2 wks prior to the event.

    Answer by MizLee at 4:07 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I can understand why you are uncomfortable. It's just a little like asking for a present, even though it isn't at all what you'd be doing. But if you decide not to warn people ahead, be sure that you tell her, since I can see people not coming because they didn't have enough notice and your MIL saying well she told you to tell people to save the date! Could you have a close friend or relative do the calling for you? This way you wouldn't be involved, I can see why you don't feel comfortable about that.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:23 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I think 2 weeks is pretty close to send out invites to an event, but I think you should be happy you have someone planning a 2nd shower for you. Email/call who is invited and run the date by them. Ask them to keep it on their calendar.

    Answer by ap9902 at 6:04 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

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