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Father's day to call or not to call...what do you think?

Long story short...my dad has been in and out of my life since I was 43 days old. When I was 16 I got preggo with my first..said he didn't want to talk to me..he didn't for 10 years! I had another son in 2001-he's been completely absent from that birth also. So in December I told him I was prego with my 3rd son, he spoke to me for about 5 minutes, said he would call me back never did. I didn't hear from him again until new years, that was the last time I talked to him. So I am now into my 37 week of pregnancy and father's day is coming around. Needless to say I am a little hurt..He hasn't called and checked on me since new years, i am hurt and don't want to even call him to wish him a happy father's day-is this wrong of me? what would you do? I was thinking of just texting my little sis (lives with him in NY) and have her tell him I said happy fathers day, I don't know what to tell him, I am hurt!

 
LuvmyFam6

Asked by LuvmyFam6 at 4:51 PM on Jun. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,516 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • No I would not call and tell him Happy Father's Day, nor would I have anyone else tell him that for me. Father's Day is a day to celebrate ACTUAL FATHER'S, which is not what your dad has been to you it seems. A true father loves their child unconditionally no matter what mistakes he/she makes in their life and is there for their kids no matter what. Does this sound like your dad? Nope...doesn't seem like it to me. He's the one missing out. He's the one that's going to be sorry one day. The ball is in his court and I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. You've tried to rebuild the relationship and have apparently gotten no where. So I would leave it alone and hopefully one day he'll be the one crawling back to you.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 4:57 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • i think it depends on if you want a relationship with him or not. If you do then you should call him. You have to show that you are interested in having a relationship with your faither and as we all know, relationships go both ways. But if it doesnt matter to you, or if you dont really want a relationship with him (but i'm assuming you do, sense youre feelings are hurt) then dont call him.

    The last time i spoke to my father i was 14 and he said i was going to hell because i am not Christian. a year later i heard that he was getting married (for the 3rd time). He never called to tell me nor was i or any of my other siblings invited. GL to you.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:56 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • It's totally up to you, what you want to do. It doesnt sound like he's been much of a father though so I wouldnt feel bad for not calling if you dont want to. What's he done to deserve it? Ive been debating this same thing myself, my dad calls somewhat often, I think its mainly when my aunt asks him if he's talked to me, Then he feels like he has to. He lets me know how much time he spends with his stepkids and how much he does for them, but never offers to come see me and my kids. He left when I was little, said it was my moms fault he didnt come back around. I seen him once when I was 16, and got ahold of him again when I was 21. We've talked since I was 21. In a way I dont think he really deserves for me to call him, since he's been more of a father to other kids than his own. Sorry you are going through it, it hurts I know.
    sailfishmommy

    Answer by sailfishmommy at 4:59 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • There are good parents & bad parents but it doesn't sound like he was a parent to you at all. It takes more than just being there for conception to be a parent. You don't have to live with your child in order to be your childs parent but there has to be consistent love & a relationship...not DNA.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I would pick out a card for him and send it. He really hasn't been a father to you but without him you wouldn't be here at all. Send the note and let the ball be in his court.
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 5:16 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Sounds like you are beating a dead horse. Maybe you should concentrate on your immediately family and leave dad to rot in his own personal hell.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:16 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Send him a card. This way you don't have to talk to him and be disappointed if he doesn't talk for long or doesn't call for a while. By sending a card you are acknowledging him and you are reaching out to him. I am not saying this will pull him back, it probably won't but at least you don't have to worry about the disappointment of knowing that he is probably disengaged.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 5:28 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Thank you for your answers ladies. I like the card idea but I don't even know his address...isn't that sad?! My dad has been involved in my little sister/brother's lifes since they were born and I always tell them how lucky they are to have him in their lives..both my parents gave me away to his mother at 43 days, I lived with my grandmother until I was almost 12 then my mom decided to take me back, ran away from her house at 15 then got pregnant and I've been on my own ever since. I've had a rocky relationship with my mom but she tries to be there and is a great grandma to my children and tries her hardest to be a good mom to me now that I am older. With my dad I feel like nothing I've accomplished is good for him but really neither him or my mother raised me..I raised myself. I want to have some type of relationship with him, but it's hard when I am the child and feeling like I am the one that needs to reach out.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 5:45 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Why does this matter? I'm not trying to be a bi+@& but honestly, do you not feel whole without him in your life? Are you insecure? Has your whole world revolved around him not being there for you? I know somebody whose dad left him when he was 2 & he was raised by an abusive alcoholic & a crack head mom. He did have contact with his biological dad when he was about 12 but told me when he was 15 that he never thought of him as his dad. He thinks of the drunk as his dad he just tries to get what he can from his biological dad because he knows that he has guilt. Maybe he was lying to himself & me but it did not seem like it. It made sense to me so I'm not sure what the problem is. You either contact him (phone, text, e-mail, mail, etc...) & expect nothing in return or you don't....it is up to you but it really sounds like you want something from him (love, attention, answers, etc...) instead of just wishing him a Happy Father's D
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • With me being pregnant I thought he would want to be different because he's been non-existant from my other boy's lifes, my oldest son is almost 13 and he has never met him. I am just the type of person that doesn't hold grudges and hate conflict that's why I think I feel so bad about not calling him, but is it wrong to feel "why should I call him when he hasn't even bothered to check on me and his grandchild". I feel like if I don't call him I am stepping down to his level and acting like he does..in the other hand I don't know how to pick the phone up and pretend like i don't have an issue.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 5:50 PM on Jun. 18, 2009