Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would you do?

If you're 16 yr old closer to 17, daughter and her boyfriend came to you and said mom we're pregnant? Now her bf is 19 has a decent job wants her to move in and take care of them is being genuinley conserned and shows intrest in every aspect of her pregnancy.. I want to be supportive but am a bit upset... How do I give them support and not let my anger show? PLEASE LADY'S NO BASHING!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Jun. 18, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • I may be the mom but at one point i was the daughter. She probably alredy knoas tht wat she did was wrong nd wat happnd is going to affect her for the rest of her life. its ok to let her kno how u feel as long as u dont scare her away. "honey, u kno i'm very disappointd. this happning will b very influential in ur lif, raising a kid is hard, i kno. if u want to move out thts ur choice, nd i want u to thnk about it befor u jus go. but if anythng u will always hav me, i'll do my best to help u, but you need to start making some wiser decisions." Theres nothing wrong with letting her kno the road will be hard but one or two times is enough.* feel free to tweek this script if you like.
    GUD LUCK!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • well he's willing might as well the deed has been done but then again how long have they been together is it a healthy relationship and tru its not the best situation but ur daughter needs to know that ur not happy with it but not mad at her
    Memosmom

    Answer by Memosmom at 7:54 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I would be happy he is willing to step up. I would also sit down and have a serious discussion about all that a baby needs and how hard it can be on a relationship.

    After the baby comes I would take her to be put on birth control.

    I had a friend who did this exact thing at this exact age, they got married. And are still married after 15 years! So it can work, if parents are willing to help the teens learn from mistakes and not make any more ;) I know, easier said than done ;)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 7:59 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I thought they started dating a year ago but I recently found out it's been 2 years.. He's known her his whole life.. Me and his mother have lived next door to each other for 20 years I was at the hospital when she had him.. I knew in my heart they would eventually get together. I just didn't expect a baby.. The have a great relationship and he's a very respectful boy.. I love him very much like my own son.. I'm just so aggrevaited.. She has school to finish and college.. She's my baby and I didn't see this coming.. Their such smart teens... She promises to finish school and try college IDK
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • From experience, I was pregnant at 15, my mom was shocked to say the least. Once she got over the shock and them anger that her little girl and all the dreams she had for me may not happen you will adjust, and you will welcome the baby. Now, my BF at the time was 18, had a job, car, pretty well as set as someone that age can be lol, well that Jan. we got married, not bc I was pregnant but bc we really did love each other, I was 15 when we married and 16 when I had my oldest DD, we have been together ever since, this Jan will be 18 years married. Things might workout for her the same way, it may not. But who knows. You will be a grandma and she a mother for the rest of your lives, be there for her and let her do what is best. She may be young, and things will be hard. I finished high school and this Dec. I graduate and become an RN. Anything is possible with the right support.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 8:05 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • College is very possible, we now have 3 children, now we did everything backwards, but we did it, and we made the best out of everything. Deal with your feelings, they are normal. This is not the end of the world so to speak, you have every right to be hurt, upset, disappointed etc. You will get passed this. Give yourself time. Talk to your DD if you have to, to help heal. I wish all of ya'll the best.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 8:10 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I was in your daughter's shoes a few years ago. My mom didn't have to tell me what I did wrong or that she was dissapointed in me. I already knew. What's done is done. I say that you should just move on & be as supportive as possible. It's nice that her boyfriend is stepping up to the plate. Be very thankful for that. All you can do is give her advice & be there for her & your grandchild.
    riceswife

    Answer by riceswife at 8:15 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • The couple I told you about earlier......she was pregnant at 17, she finished High school, went to college and got a teaching degree, she now teaches Kindergarten.

    I know you are disappointed and in shock, but I promise you when that baby comes, all of you will wonder how you lived without him/her. ;)

    Just support her so she can finish school and finish growing up...she will have a lot of that to do very soon ;)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 8:19 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • It could work out, I wouldn't just discount it. I would have a long talk with both of them and his parents. They both need to finish school, high school and college for her and college for him. It is good that he is stepping up to the plate and taking care of his child. I wish them the best of luck.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:03 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Just try to understand that right now she is at one of her most vulnerable points. It's not easy being pregnant, especially so young. She needs you to be there for her and let her know she isn't alone. Just try to understand how she's feeling. And try to put your anger aside if/when she asks you for advice.
    HisMommy414

    Answer by HisMommy414 at 2:59 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.