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Am I the one being bratty here? If I am I promise I will go.

A bit of history first. When I was 17 I was kidnapped and raped as I was leaving work one night by a man who I had never met before and haven't seen since the trial ended. It has been 6 years sense then. I have emotionally recovered for the most part, but there are still bad days or things that bring back the trauma.
My uncle is coming to visit my mom this weekend (she lives about 5 miles from me) and my mom wants me and my husband and baby to go over and visit with him. He is a convicted rapist. He sexually assaulted my aunt when he was 19 and she was 8. He was never charged with anything from that. When he was in his 20s he molested his own son (this info is from his ex wife) and in his 30s he raped my mom's aunt with down syndrome. Around that same time he also raped his next door neighbors 16 year old daughter who also was mentally challenged. These are the known times he has done this. Continued-

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jun. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • The neighbors were the ones who finally pressed charges and my uncle received 5 years in prison off of a plea deal. I have never had a relationship with this man. I have only seen him maybe 4 times in my whole life. This is partly due to us always living several states away from him, but mostly due to my mom knowing the POS he is and keeping her children far from him. He has been out of prison for a while now and is coming here to visit. I do NOT want to go see him. My mom said he has changed and is a better man now. But it has not been that long and anyone who can rape children and mentally disabled people is NOT ok in my book. I wouldn't care if I never saw him again in my life. My mom is mad at me for not wanting to go visit him. I couldn't shake his hand, or look him in the eye knowing the horrific things he has done. I have no respect for him. What should I do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • i think your right stand ur ground your mom is so wrong to even expect that of you!
    preggoinmn

    Answer by preggoinmn at 11:23 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • If you will not be able to physically or mentally feel safe in his presents I would not go. I think your mom is expecting a little much from you and she needs to back off and accept that you don't want to go. I would tell her that you do not feel comfortable and that no matter of time or change from him would make a difference.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 11:30 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I have said it many times and will say it many more. Trust your instincts. Your gut feeling is your instinct. Your first reaction is generally the best one. If it makes you uncomfortable then don't do it. Explain to your Mom your feelings. If she gets bent out of shape, so be it. I would be terriefied to be in this mans presence just from what you have said and being an assault survivor myself.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:31 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I wouldn't go. It's like a moral support thing for him and I think your mom shouldn't ask you to do it. He might be a changed man but he still has issues that prison can't fix. Without serious treatment he will always have urges to overwhelm someone he feels is weaker than himself. Why give him another victim to think about and fantasize over? Stay far away from him and if your mom doesn't understand then she'll get over it. He's well aware that people are not going to take lightly to what he did and not going to welcome him with open arms. If your mom does then that's her business but I'm with you, I do NOT think you should go make that man think the family is rallying around him and what he's done.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:32 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • listen, people, no not people, POS's like you said who rape children and mentally disabled people DO NOT CHANGE! as much as your mom would like to believe her brother has changed, he hasnt. rape is not a sexual act. it's an act of control and domination. rapists are not easily reformed, especially someone who has committed sexual assault at least 4 times that you know of. i wouldnt go near him, nor would i allow him near my child. we have instincts for a reason, dont not listen to yours just to please your mom. you dont want it on your shoulders if you do this for her sake and he harms you or your child. protect you baby the way your mother protected you as a kid, there's obviously a reason why she ket you away from him until you were an adult!
    robbinsme

    Answer by robbinsme at 11:37 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • I think you are right to want to stay away. Just because your mom is off her nut and can forgive and forget doesn't mean you have to. I would stay away.My biological father molested my brother and sister. After my mom found out they divorced. I love my grandmother...his mom...and have remained in contact with her. I have seen him several times while visiting my grandma. I had no interest and actually a revulsion in being forced to see him. But I sucked it up and was civil to him, because it was important to my grandma.
    She now has Alzheimer and is in a nursing home. I will not subject myself or my kids to him again. I have no emotional ties to him and if he died tomorrow I would dance on his grave.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 11:38 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Cont...
    I understand not wanting to see your uncle and your mother should understand it too.
    Tell her you will NOT go see him. You have no need to as you are repulsed by him and don't care to make nice with a rapist, especially considering your past rape.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 11:38 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Tell your mom that you are thankful that he has changed but that you still dealing with many issues along these lines. You are still sensitive about his crimes (Who wouldn't be?) Your mother loves you and I am sure she love her brother. She only hopes and prays he has changed. You don't need to be put in that position. Stay home with your family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

  • Don't go visit. Your mom sounds like a totally insensitive piece-of-work. How dare she?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Jun. 18, 2009

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