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Women who have birthed suggesting adoption

I asked about having a baby through AI and everyone suggested adoption. Why is it ok for women who have given birth to say that someone who wants to should just adopt? don't want to adopt at this time. Why don't you adopt since your such a supporter?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Jun. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • So what you really want is to experience pregnancy and birth, yeah? It's totally natural for a woman to want to be pregnant and give birth. There's nothing wrong with it. I guess a woman who's already been there and done that wants to save you the trouble (maybe?)? I also was more for adoption after I gave birth. It wasn't because birth was terrible or something... I guess I just became more aware of adoption because I would think about other babies with no mommies. I definitely think more about adopting now that I've had my own. I'm sure no one is suggesting adoption over having your own to be mean--they're just more fond of the idea than you are right now. Besides, when it comes to childbirth and having children, only your opinion matters. Don't worry about it!

    Answer by Llamatron at 2:20 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • OP here

    Here is the thing: I am a big believe in adoption and I do want to adopt. HOWEVER, my daughter was born 3 years ago and I had a horrible c-section with no anesthesia. Yes, I know I am not less her mother but I was very much looking forward to giving birth naturally. I know what went wrong in her delivery and I want a do over. It's not like a want a child just for the birth though. I want a baby for all the reasons women want another kid. I love all my children in my heart already.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I am having another baby for the birth experience (I also was a c-section), but also because I want another baby. I don't think there's anything wrong in wanting a second chance at the birth experience, as long as you want the baby too!

    Answer by Llamatron at 2:40 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Adoption is an extremely personal choice--I don't think anyone should push it on you and I'm sorry they have.

    Answer by Llamatron at 2:41 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I guess when you are in a forum where people give advice and opinions to one another you will be likely to get....advice and opinions! I don't think people who advise adoption mean any harm but I think maybe they are just thinking that if you find you can't become pregnant to remember that there are other options and other ways of having a family. I think most women can understand the desire to have a wonderful birth experience. If someone was insensitive to your question.....just ignore them! You certainly have every right to try AI or whatever else you think of to have your own baby!

    Answer by BJoan at 8:27 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • OP I hear what you're saying about wanting a positive birth experience. It is a very natural desire. I would strongly recommend counseling before making a decision. The tricky thing is that of course you want the child, but having your desires hinge so closely on your birth experience could set you up for having problems if it doesn't go according to plan (c-section or otherwise!). I felt how you did after my first, and I had a natural, drug free delivery with the second. It still wasn't what I wanted, lol. I sit around picturing my NEXT birth. Chasing the perfect birth is like chasing a rainbow. I got counseling for my first, and was able to accept the issues that arose with my second. Had I not done this, I think I might have resented my baby just a little.
    I am not suggesting you don't want a child, or that you only want the birth experience! I completely understand what you're going through.

    Answer by apexmommy at 10:12 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Apexmommy, I understand what you are saying and last year I wasn't ready. I was scared of failure. But this year I just know more. I'm planning on a UBAC and I know what to do to ensure the birth I want. If for some reason I detect that I am having an abnormal pregnancy/delivery then I will of course seek medical attention and be ok with it. Through research I know my first wasn't needed and now I would never consent unless needed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Yay!!! That's what I like to hear!!!!

    Answer by Llamatron at 11:48 AM on Jun. 19, 2009