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How can I deal with a 19 year old at home for the summer and stay sane? Any suggestions

He frequently avoids telling the truth and is never around. Very social and getting a 'I am God' attitude

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anna4yoga

Asked by anna4yoga at 9:56 AM on Jun. 19, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (17)
  • You know what he needs to get a job if he doesn't have one and also he needs to help around the house. He also needs to live by the rules you have in place for him, this is your roof he's living under and 19 or 30 he needs to respect the home he's living in and he's mom. (you) If he doesn't want to do the following then he can get his own place and do whatever he wants.
    I hope this helps you out a bit.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 10:01 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • He should have a job. My sons worked from the time they were 14.- as bag boys. But lawn mowing is very much in demand, and general house maintenance- as long as he would be willing to do a decent job. Older people are always interested in having things moved and cleaned and painted. This experience would look good on his resume. Even better would be a job with an employer who would pay SS and give him references for a formal job.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:02 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Just give him chores to do during the day and let him do what he wants at night. That way he doesn't have to lie. He's used to the freedom while at school- so what makes you think hes going to come home and be tied down again? He's an adult. He shouldn't have too answer to you about everything. But he is living in your house so he should help out with daily chores.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Set up house rules that everyone will follow & agree on what he will do to help out over the summer. If he is living rent free, he definitely needs to pitch in & help. And raemommy was right--he needs to get a job. There are tons of summer places that will hire teens or college students. It might help him a lot. Good luck!
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 10:03 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Why doesn't he work? He should have some means of gainful employment. Why isn't he in college or a secondary school in order to find a trade for his life? It isn't your job to keep supporting him. You can give him an ultimatum. Get a job and become useful or get the hell out. You should never sacrifice your sanity over a spoiled brat who is now an ault and refuses to accept responsibility. His attitude is rude and disrespectful. The fact he fails to realize is you DON'T have to accept it.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 10:12 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Just tell him he can not come home because he needs to get a job. He is a big boy so he can handle the truth, do not treat him like a baby, because he will become one.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:13 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Thank you very much funnyface 1204.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 10:13 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Thanks all for your timely answer. He has a job, is home for the summer until he starts college again in the fall. I am at a point where I do not understand the disrespect and secrecy of his life. I am able to stalk his life somewhat through his siblings social network and find it rude that he says he is doing one thing and he is doing something other than what he says. He is very helpful but very irresponsible in his attitude and his ability to stay grounded. Friends are WAY more important and necessary for his survival. Jealous a bit???? Thanks again
    anna4yoga

    Answer by anna4yoga at 10:20 AM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I went home after my first year in college and I was completely amazed at how different it seemed. He just lived on his own away from you...being able to do anything he wanted for an entire school year! I hated when I went home and my parents would ask me to do chores all the time and they still do and when I go it's just to visit. I think it's something my brother diagnosed my parents with...still trying to parent a child who either doesn't need it or doesn't feel he needs it. If he is helping you around the house, and has a job then personally I don't think you should be upset if he doesn't tell her everything little thing he's doing. Sometimes we know we do things our parents wouldn't approve of but we did in college and when we get home we want to do those things but our parents are around...so we just don't tell them. As long as he's not hurting himself or anyone else...and he's helping...then I think it's all good.
    newmom2bgtwins

    Answer by newmom2bgtwins at 2:12 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I pretty much agree with newmom2bgtwins. Coming home for the summer after being in college was weird. After living with my own rules and schedule and developing my own system, I had to adapt to my parents' regime. I hated that suddenly I had to ask permission to go see my friends, and hated it even more that my parents wanted me home by 11h00pm. (Don't you remember college? 11h00pm is prime time!) Oh, and the chores....I didn't mind doing chores, it was just the way they were demanded...I hated it when I was really engrossed in a book and my mom snapped at me to "do _____ NOW!"

    I guess the way I see it...if he has a job and he's helping out around the house, then what's his problem? He wants to relax and catch up with friends. As long as he's not hurting himself, what's the issue?

    (continued)
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 2:47 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

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