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My 13 year old daughter has "liked" a boy in her school for a year now. We discussed waiting until she is in High School before she dates, but I just found out that they have been kissing and maybe more. She is very well supervised, so I don't know how they have the opportunity to do so. I feel betrayed because I have completely trusted her, and have a very open relationship. I feel she is much too young. What can do about this? Confront her?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Jun. 19, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (13)
  • how did you get this info? if you shelter her too much she will rebel against you so i would set some boundries with her and let her see the boy.........but if there having sex i would be pissed off because shes too young........goodluck
    4lyfe56

    Answer by 4lyfe56 at 2:00 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • you have to keep the lines of communication open or she will never tell you anything.ya confront her.let her know you are concerned but dont be to aggressive or she will never say another thing.just say i know your seeing so and so and talk,how much do you like him where did you meet.than non shalontly(sp) say i thought you werent going to get serious till you get older.dont get mad just see what she says.watch her.
    raineydays377

    Answer by raineydays377 at 2:02 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I was "over Supervised" and I still found ways to do what I wanted, I wasn't allowed to have a boyfreind till 16 but I got Pregnant at 15, I tried to talk to my mom like you daughter did with you and she didn't let me, so I found ways to get around it, If you are as close as you say you are confront her talk to her and find a happy medium TOGETHER so there isn't reason for sneaking around, like she can have a boy freind but no sex and they have to be hanging out at yours or his house suppervised, talk to her.
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 2:10 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I just mentioned this on another post. Teens find a way. Period. Heck, I know I did. There are opportunities everywhere. You should confront her, but if she feels threatened (like you'll ground her or forbid her from seeing the boy) or if she feels like your meddling or telling her what to do, forget it, she'll never talk again and that will make it worse. So be really nonchalant about it, very casual when you talk to her... I hope this helps. Good Luck. :)
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 2:50 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • My mom did not let me have boyfriends or go out with friends and guess what? I lost my virginity at 12 and was pregnant by 17. It's so hard cos these boys fill their heads with the idea of love and marriage but then feel nothing after they get their fill. All you can do is talk to her like a friend and let her know she can tell you anything cos you've been there and see her as a person. Of course if the behavior doesn't stop then you get tougher. Your house your rules.
    SwePea

    Answer by SwePea at 3:33 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • You say you discussed it. Did she say she agreed with your point of view? Did she disagree but make a promise to obey your rules anyway?

    Either way, if you have not had the full VD, pregnancy and how to put a condom on without splitting it talk, you need to have it a.s.p.
    Clairwil

    Answer by Clairwil at 3:48 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I agree - talk to her, but don't be agressive. I think I'd start on a light tone... like 'a little birdie told me you have a bf".... and see what she says. I'd even see if she tells you if they kiss, etc. It depends what you mean by 'maybe more'. I'd certainly rediscuss why you think she should wait - have her think through consequences in 6 months.. her reputation, health risks, her 'history' (i.e does she want to have n partners when at 20 or something she meets Mr. Right). I'd talk to her about how to say no, how to get away from sticky situations (go to the bathroom), avoid being alone with a guy, etc. Tell her its normal to have feelings, to feel butterflies when she kisses a boy... but it's not a good choice to have sex now. I'd also discuss sexting which I consider just as risky.
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 5:32 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Yep. Mommy didn't let me see boys. The dating age was sixteen. I have been with my husband since I was twelve and he took my virginity then. (: Proud to say hes the only one I've been with & still together today but that doesn't always happen. If your going to say no she is going to want to go against your will even more. Been there & done that. I didn't get pregnant until I was 19 turning 20. I was fortunate enough. My mom didn't know we were having sex until I was like 16 or 17! (: Can't watch her every second. (: (:
    kframpton

    Answer by kframpton at 11:26 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • clair at 3:48 is exactly right

    -kerri
    33 weeks/4 days
    kframpton

    Answer by kframpton at 11:27 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • She "betrayed" you because you tried to stop her natural progression into puberty & adulthood. It was really her only choice since you wouldn't give her any reasonable options but just said "wait". At 13 she is right on track if she is kissing & she might have felt compelled to do more because you forbid it. Talk to her about appropriate behavior with a boy, that you know she is "seeing" him & though you really would have liked her to wait since she isn't you will be monitoring her behavior with him for a while. Let him come over & let them spend time alone where she knows you will be able to see her frequently while you go about what you are doing. Let her know where she can go with him (places you feel are adequately supervised). But accept that teens are going to sneak a minute here & there to kiss. Let her know you will continue to trust her if she follows your rules & talk with her (not to her) about what is appropriate.
    nysa00

    Answer by nysa00 at 3:47 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

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