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my husband sends and receives daily emails to an old college girlfriend. i spied on him and read his emails and found that he shares personal information and talks badly about my daughter (his stepdaughter). should i confront him?

i feel he has been disloyal and i am very angry with him. if i confront him he'll know what i was up to.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jun. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • How much privacy do you want, to be able to talk freely with your friends ?
    Clairwil

    Answer by Clairwil at 3:28 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • i wouldn't say anything b/c then he'd know you have been "spying" on him, however, i'd ask him if he had a problem with my child & if he did, he could leave b/c my kids come first
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 3:30 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I would never diss him to any of my friends or family that's why I feel so hurt that he's doing this.
    marias934

    Answer by marias934 at 3:32 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • You know I had a similiar problem and confroted my husband and it was a total blow out, yelling screaming, the works. However, when we actually calmed down weeks later and talked about it again we decided we had trust issues etc and were able to communicate so much more then we ever did. How can you live with someone when you know what they are up to and don't talk to you about it. Confront him, just try to do it calmly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • When someone talks about your child and you are clueless to the way they really feel, it hurts...it hurts so bad that you are blown away and possibly want to blow them away too! But you must approach the situation in a positive manner in order to gain positive results.

    I'm not exactly sure why you spied on your dh....maybe he has given you some reason to spy or maybe curiousity...but whatever the case, there's trust issues within your marriage that should also be discussed.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:36 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • sure if you want him to know you invaded his privacy
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:49 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I would tell him that my gut told me to check his email, & I'm glad i did because now i know your a total ASS. My SO has spied on my email, he gives no crap about telling me so. I guess i don't really get mad because i have done it too. Except he found something & i didn't (all it was, was a simple "how has life been" email to an ex, it was NOTHING out of line)

    Anyway, just like he needs to be honest about the crap he said, you need to be honest about checking his email. OR, you could lie & tell him that he left it open & you happened to see it. I have heard that excuse before.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:51 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I am not sure how or why you spied, but you found what you found....

    Personally I would be more concerned about the DAILY messages to an ex girlfriend. An occasional message from an ex is no big deal, but DAILY would raise a red flag for me.

    Anyhow, I wouldn't get into anything about things he said about your daughter. Being a step-parent is HARD and there is often no one you can say the hardest things to. It is good for him to have an outlet where he can be completely honest. You should not take that away from him...

    But...if there are complaints about YOU or your marriage to an Ex... red flag red flag red flag...and those should be addressed.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 3:57 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I agree with Niki_sd... the daily emails are a big deal. But the spying is a problem, too. If he doesn't ACT badly to your daughter, then you shouldn't really care what he says to a third party. I know I've talked bad about people that I love out of frustration, but I still love them. Spying is not the answer... communication is.
    c.mom

    Answer by c.mom at 8:43 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

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