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I just lost my temper and spanked her; I feel terrible now...

DD is 2 and throws everything. She had a tantrum earlier and threw her sippy cup at me; it broke apart and spilled juice all over my freshly mopped floor. I lost my temper and spanked her on her bottom. I feel just horrific! She is sitting in her chair in the living room and not speaking to me. I don't know what to do now. This is the first time I have ever done something like this. She just cried and cried and cried. Am I horrible? I feel horrible!


Asked by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on Jun. 19, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (16)
  • *HUG MOMMY* I haven't spanked my son in temper YET lol but i have yelled at the top of my lungs about a month ago and I felt awful. We aren't perfect - most times we can gather ourselves and walk away to cool off but sometimes we make mistakes too.My son is only 19 months old and just showing signs of real tantrums ( besides the normal throw himself on the floor filled with drama ) but hang in there mommy - you are NOT horrible. It happens. Just keep it in mind as what not to do for the next time. Every experience is a learning experience for US to!

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:13 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Spanking is a form of dicapline. Some children need more than a time out. It is NOT against the law to spank a child who is behaving badly. I was spanked as a child and so are my children, and the rest of my family. I wouldnt feel bad as long as she wasnt beat. Which she clearly wasnt.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • i know the feeling momma! i very rarely ever spank my dd (she is almost 3) and anytime i do, she does the same thing, goes and sits down in her room and wont talk to me. i always feel terrible, but, she learns and it allows me to do the "im gonna count to three!" thing, that works with her so well, cuz she knows she dont want a spankin. i usually talk to her (as soon as she will let me) and i tell her "mommy's sorry i had to spank your butt, but you cant .....ok?" and i give her a kiss and hug and shes all better :)

    Answer by lilysmommy23 at 4:15 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • You are NOT horrible.
    She is angry at both herself and at you. She knows that throwing things is wrong. She is angry that she did something wrong. She is angry that she got in trouble for it (that's the biggest part of her anger). She is angry that you got angry. She'll get over all of it.

    If you don't want to spank, fine. Do your best to not lose your temper to that degree again. Note, I said "Do your best"... not "don't ever". You are human. All you can ask of yourself or anyone else is that you TRY to do your best. You won't always suceed but you can TRY.

    Whatever you do right now though, do NOT say you are sorry. She will not understand WHY you are sorry. Just let it drop and move on.

    If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend "1,2,3 Magic".

    Answer by kaycee14 at 4:15 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I have to say I disagree with kaycee14, which doesn't happen often. I think you should apologize to your daughter and let you know that you made a bad choice hitting her - you yourself acknowledge this by your admission of how terrible you feel. Emotions are strong and sometimes get the better of us, but learning how to apologize and talk through the after effects is just as important as learning how to re-direct yourself before you lose control next time. I have apologized to my son for my bad choices since he as an infant, but it helps him to know that while we ALL make mistakes, owning up to them is just as vitally important as trying to prevent them to begin with. She may not understand all the details, but she will understand that you still love her even though you hit her and that you are not happy about your choice. Be a role model here and own up to your daughter that you made a mistake in hitting her out of anger.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 4:25 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I agree with JPsMommy, I haven't spanked my daughter when I've lost my temper, but I have yelled at her. I don't want her to behave out of fear and other approaches do work with her, but we all have our bad moments, so don't be too hard on yourself. When I feel I've handled a situation inappropriately, I do discuss it with her and apologize. It's good for her to understand that I can make mistakes too.

    Answer by Elsasmom at 4:59 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Hmm I am stuck between what Kaycee and JPsMommy said. I agree with Kaycee that you are only human, and have to learn to keep your cool next time. On the other hand, I also think that you should apologize. If you are hitting her bottom out of anger, and not a form of discipline, then you made a mistake and you should own up to it, just as you would want her to do.

    Answer by lilbit837 at 4:59 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I would say, "I'm sorry that I hit you. I should not have done that, but it made me angry when you threw the cup." (It will have more meaning for you than for your daughter, but it's important to say it anyway.) Don't beat up on yourself, but do learn a different way to respond next time. (Try my book, "My Child Won't Listen and other early childhood problems" for ideas on how to set limits. Look inside the book at or
    Remember, the purpose of discipline is to teach children what is acceptable behavior. In short, children who are hit, hit other children and often become fearful and angry. Also, children who are spanked often suffer from depression when they become adults.


    Answer by teacher-author at 5:03 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • you are not horrible, you did something you feel bad about, but you are not bad. i spank, but only after 3 warnings and removal from the situation doesn't work. just realizing the situation that took place will hopefully help you be able to grasp the situation fully before you decide on punishment next time something happens. i yell more than i would like and i can't stand it, so i am constantly trying to improve my communication skills:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • don't apologize for disciplining your child! what's next? i'm sorry for putting you in time out?? jeez! don't feel bad. i spank my 2 year old whenever i see fit, and lately that's been alot, cuz he's just been testing me...ugh! sometimes i try to refrain myself from popping him on the butt, then i find myself yelling at him. so no, you're not a bad mommy.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Jun. 19, 2009