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Has anyone here ever worked in a nursing home? Know anything about it? I have a question.

My grandmother has Alzheimers, she really has no censor button anymore. She says whatever she thinks in her head.

We thought the nursing home she was in was nice, but over the past 5 months they have moved her 5 times. Several times for calling people names. The last time she constantly complained to the nurses that they moved her in a hall with a bunch of retards. This time they moved her it was because she kept calling the lady in her room a hag.

They also call frequently complaining b/c my grandmother asks for assistance from the aides for VERY frequent bathroom visits.

My question is; What exactly do they want us to DO about it. She is not in her right mind. She cant be controlled, especially her mouth and her bathroom that not what they are being paid to do, handle her?

Is this normal for a nursing home, should we move her? Whats going on?


Asked by mom2twobabes at 4:42 PM on Jun. 19, 2009 in Health

Level 22 (12,305 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • With an Alz patient, it is hard to know when to push, and when to hang back. At times visiting my dad brings him comfort, other times he gets agitated and becomes a "flight risk". Sometimes, remembering us gives him happy moments and it's just like old times-only in a nursing home. Other times, remembering us makes him realize that he's not home, which is where is wants to be, but doesn't understand why he can't. We are trying to find the balance between visiting too much or not enough. He thrives on routine, his routine, not ours. I am sorry, I know how you feel. If your g-ma is in an Alz unit, receiving the best care possible, then when they call you, ask if there is anything that you can do. If not, thank them for letting you know her new room # and hang up. If there is a better place that she can be, check into it. I don't agree with her being moved so much, however, I know sometimes they have no other choice.


    Answer by doodlebopfan at 6:06 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • My sis has been a nursing home nurse for many years. First, is your grandmother in an alzheimer's/dementia specific unit? If not, she should be. The nurses there tend to be more understanding of these specific diseases. If she is moved a lot, it is most likely b/c of complaints from other residents or their family members. The nursing home is trying to please a lot of people at one time. They are trying to do what works for everyone. They are probably hoping that you will take on some of the burden of her care. Maybe visit more often & make sure she uses the restroom while you are there. Maybe they feel more visits will help with her clarity. Maybe you need to discuss a private room if that is available? Or they think if you discuss her behavior with her, it will help. Sometimes there is a family member than can penetrate the veil of confusion & let someone know they are crossing the line. cont

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 4:51 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • They want you to give permission to drug her to keep her quiet. It is very sad really. My grandma has the same circumstance. But my fathers family don't care, and have let her be drugged up so she is quiet and doesn't hassle the staff.
    I don't know what the solution is. Big hugs, I am sure it is terrible to see her like this, I know it is for me. My grandmother was such a wonderful woman, really somebody to look up too, it is a shame that her mind is gone.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 4:51 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Maybe you need to discuss medications with her doctor--there might be something that helps with the anxiety she is feeling. Or even a health reason for her frequent bathroom visits. If she is having problems making it, maybe she needs to wear adult pads or diapers, something else you can discuss with her physician. It sounds like your grandmother is having a really hard time adjusting. You need to work with her physician & the nurses to build a team that can truly care for your grandmother. Open the door to communication & you might be pleasantly surprised. Most nurses have the utmost respect for family members who are involved & will become your greatest ally. Best of luck to you.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 4:55 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I HATE thinking that they dislike her or that she gets on their nerves. If she was in her right mind, they would all surely love her. She was a very passive loving woman. She would have NEVER said the things that are coming out of her mouth now.

    I know that they said she is upsetting the other residents, she was on the Alzheimers wing....that is where they moved her from...????

    Not that I dont want to help with my grandmother, but isnt the burden of care on the staff and home b/c we pay them?

    I mean, if she needs some calming drugs or something, would they not call us in for a meeting to discuss possibilities or something?

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 4:55 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • if u not happy with the home then u need to move her. most elederly that have demetia dont know that they have just went to the bathroom. the nuresing home should have her on a schedula.if she rings th call light then all the have to do is say i'll get u in a minute and then actually take her when its time to pa law nursing homes have to check, change, and potty every 2 hrs and no they should not be moving her so much.this confuses the elderly even more.if she is unable to room with anyone else then she should have a private suit.they tend to cost a little more.if u consider moveing her i would suggest u find a facility that has a alzheirms unit. the aids r suppose to take care of their erver they may be understaff and that means not everyone can recieve proper care. i have worked in nursing homes where one aid is resposiable for 15 people and we were exspected to take care of residence the rite way.

    Answer by rainmommy at 4:58 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Nursing homes have a lot of patients. Yes, they are there to provide care for those patients but I don't believe it is your job to just walk away & leave it to them. Unfortunately, many nursing homes are very crowded & patients only receive basic life-sustaining care. The nurses & aides will feed them & clothe them & take care of their bodily needs but they do not always have the time to cater to every whim of every patient. If you are not happy with the care she is receiving, you need to be more involved. Ever hear the saying, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." Be that squeaky wheel for your grandmother. Talk to the nurses--learn their names & their shifts. Work with them & it will make your grandmother's quality of life much better. If you don't want to be involved, then you need to let the nurses do what they think is best & not complain about it. No judgement either way from me, JMHO.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 5:04 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • (con't) Yes, the burden of care is on the facility, however, they are required to keep you informed. Perhaps when they call with a report of another change, ask them if you need to do anything. Does there need to be a change of medicine? Do they think you need to visit (if you are able to do so), otherwise don't guilt yourself into feeling bad. I know how guilty I, my siblings, my step-mom, etc. all feel in not being able to do anything to make him better. Sometimes we can't even comfort him. It hurts because as you said earlier, "she's not the same person anymore". If you aren't in an Alz support group, perhaps finding one could help.  I wish I could help more. Hugs to you!


    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:25 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • You need to find a nursing home with an Alztheimer's unit.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:08 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Thank you guys....I enjoy reading all the ideas! And realizing that others are in this same situation.


    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:06 AM on Jun. 20, 2009