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I kicked my son's dad out of our life

Okay. I'm not sure I'm prepared to hear all the negative comments, but I do want to get feedback and different viewpoints.

My ex is a real piece of work. When we first met, he was affectionate and loving. When I got pregnant, he was excited and supportive... we were engaged a few months later on the anniversary of our first date. When I had the baby, he stayed at the hospital with me for four days and helped with Travis (our son).

He invited his mother and daughter (from a previous relationship) to come stay with us for a couple weeks... even though I had told him it probably wasn't the best idea because it's stressful time. We ended up fighting while they were here, and he took his daughter to Vegas... he left me with our two-week old while I was still recovering from my cesarean. Since then, he hasn't been there for us, so I moved out with the baby. I told him I want him out of my life.

Thoughts? Please share.

Answer Question
 
c.mom

Asked by c.mom at 7:53 PM on Jun. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • when you say since then he wasnt there for you...what do you mean? Did he never come back? did he come back to your home but was suddenly distant? when you had the discussion how did he react? was he upset, scared and asked for forgiveness or was he apathetic, in one ear out the other? I'm sorry =(
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 8:05 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • You may be really angry and not interested in him being in your life, but you son should be able to have a relationship with his father. You need to separate your anger from your son.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 8:10 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • During a pregnancy and the first 4 months after is not a good time to make life changing decisons. Regardless of how you feel your son needs to know his Dad. If Dad doesn't show up that's on him. If you keep Dad from him he will resent you later for it.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:18 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • To answer Owl_Feather: He came back to the home and things continued to be rough. He wasn't into being a family... he only cares about what he wants. All the pain and disappointment returns when he comes to see our son, and I don't want him to break promises and hurt him too. I'm torn because I know it's not fair to keep my son from knowing his dad, but at the same time I can't take it. I do all the work raising him and then Dad gets to stop by and be the "fun" dad? How fair is that?
    c.mom

    Answer by c.mom at 8:29 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • i have a friend that's in a similar situation with her baby daddy. she really despises him & wants to cut him out of her life completely, BUT like it or not, if you have a baby with someone, you're stuck with that person for the next 18 years. and your son does have a right to know his father. my dad is a piece of crap, but my mom never kept me from him & i learned all on my own how he is, but i would have been unhappy with my mother had she not allowed me to have a relationship with him. i know it will be hard, i see what my friend goes through, but concentrate on making YOURself happy.
    Wheepingchree

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 8:37 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Good for you. You did the right thing
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:58 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • If he's not there for you and not into being a family, then you're better off without him. BUT, your son does still have a right to know his father, even if his father is a deadbeat, a jerk, or a great guy. And although it sucks big time to have to watch your child be disappointed time after time, it sucks even worse to have that child think you prevented him from having a relationship with his dad b/c you told his dad not to come around.
    Let him come around to see your son. Don't interfere with that, and if he disappoints your son, just be there for your son. Your son will learn as he gets older which parent he can really count on. And maybe dad will come to his senses and change for the better. Stranger things have happened.

    Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:25 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • Well I do think you are doing the right thing. If he is not there for you (and your son), and is not helping out or putting his family and family's wants/needs before his own then you (and baby) are definately better off without him. I would get the ball rolling for custody and child support, and set up visitation. Even though he may not seem interested in being a dad- you should still set up visitation. That way if he fails to follow thru it is all on him, and not him trying to claim that you are 'keeping the child from him'. I wish you and your son the best of luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:42 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

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