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i love my friend but hate her kid

one of my good friends is raising a monster. her little girl calls my children names, locks them in the bathroom, hits and pinches them, dares them to do dangerous things and is otherwise a menance. She is extremely disrepectful to her mother who is a lovely woman. i really like the mom, but find her daughter really hard to take and my kids don't like her either. she often calls to make plans for family outings and i don't want to lie to her, but don't know how to tell her the truth without being offensive. any ideas?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Jun. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • does she even discipline this kid?? jeez. if she hit my kid i'd get onto her myself, especially if she's doing all of that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • oh I got a friend like that. Not good. I had to today tell her that her kid is a rude smarta... and I did it in such a way that at the start of the conversation she was all My SON would NEVER do/say that. NO he did. And then she sits there stumped and wonders why the kid has no friends. By the end she got what I was saying. You have to chose your words carefully, and phrase it well. Use examples and sympathise with her. For example her kid holds off and hits her she does nothing say "are you okay? How do you keep your cool? I'd want to xxx my kid if they did that?" Let her open up. She will probably defend the kid but if you follow up with but if your husband did that wouldn't you leave ...two very different things but it keeps the conversation open. It is all in the delivery.


    Answer by babyfat5 at 11:08 PM on Jun. 19, 2009

  • I'm in the same situation here! The mother is actually one of my best friends so ending the friendship isn't really a step I want to take. Her kid is the devil! To make matters worse, she constantly complains about her childs behavior. She's not blind to what her kid is doing. I've tried to gently give advice hundreds of times, with no luck. I even make an example of my own kids when we are there, to try and prove a point. When my kids act up when we are there, I discipline them and stick to it. Then her kid punches my baby for no reason (not that there ever could be a reason to punch a baby), and she does nothing about it. Now, I've resorted to yelling at her kid and putting her time out myself. I know, totally overstepping the line, but, hit my baby and I don't care who you are, you're going the pay! Good luck and please let me know too if you find a solution!

    Answer by Gandeluv at 12:00 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • I nanny children and had this family once where the mom was a stay at home mom and the dad worked from home so both of them were there all of the time. If anything happened at all they'd rush in and take over In my interview they told me that they had had 12 nannies and just couldn't find a good one. Since the kids were 3 and 2 that was a big red flag but they were paying me $25 an hour!! Ok so I found out really quickly why! The kids would punch me in the face and she'd be sitting there and ask the kid if they were okay and say "Why did you hit honey? Why are you upset" um no!!! Then I got there one morning and the 3 yr old boy had gotten up in the middle of the night and had left the house and they couldn't find him. After I searched for an hour and found him in the woods playing and he spit in my face I said see ya! I couldn't believe these parents and the kids I felt so sad for them. They were heading down a bad road

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • BTW in the AP the parents also were totally clueless. The police fined them a big giant fine too for wasting two hours of police time searching for that kid!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • I have a similar situation with my best friend. Her child is a terror and she does nothing about it. It doesn' t help that her husband could not care less and never helps her. My daughter doesn' t like to play with them- she always asks- Mommy- will Jack be nice to me today. That's never a good sign. I have tried to set an example and follow through on any punishments- but that doesn't work. I have tried to offer some advice (when she has asked...) but the issue is simply that she doesn't follow through and her son knows it. When I am alone with him and I tell him no- he knows that I mean business and he stops. His mom says it and he knows it is a joke. It is a sensitive situation, so I feel your pain. But all I can do is try to show by example and offer advice when she seems receptive to it. But if he gets worse than he is now (and he probably will), I will have to be more direct. AGHHH= the drama! GOod luck to all of us!

    Answer by Greenbeans422 at 1:48 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • If you say something she will be hurt and angry. This is a no-win situation. In a perfect world we all like to think "we would want someone to tell us if our child (fill in the blank)" but in reality no one wants to hear it.

    Answer by BJoan at 11:14 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • She sounds abusive and should be in therapy. If you believe that she may be a danger to herself or her children, please make an anonymous report to local authorities. This sounds like a frightening situation

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:25 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

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