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saving my marriage, what to do?

my husband and I have been married for 3yrs and have a 10 month old beautiful little girl. she is my light, my angel and the only thing i find myself smiling for. i am a stay at home mom with no life outside of taking care of my little angel. after having her, my husband and i grew apart. we have different parenting styles and therefore argue alot. nothing ever gets resolved because he doesnt like to talk about a problem to try and resolve it and forget about suggesting counseling. so what happens is that it gets swept under the rug and the next day he gets up, goes to work, comes home and keeps to himself. in a day or so he is back to normal as if nothing was ever wrong. this has happened so many times and i have cried myself to sleep so many nights wondering what i can do different that i have become numb inside to him. he is NEVER affecionate to me either. i know i still care because if i didnt, it wouldnt still hurt.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Jun. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • 2nd Anon 11:33pm. Grow up...

    OP-This is common for MANY couples after they their first child. All the focus is on the baby. Sometimes we quit taking care of ourselves, eating right, getting enough sleep (who can do that with a baby....not me...) and are so tired, we get cranky. The differing parenting styles always comes out AFTER you have the baby! LOL! This is something that most couples face, and it will take a long time before you get them all resolved. Sometimes we Moms want Dad to do things OUR way when really he could get it done another way. She doesn't have 2 moms, so you can expect him to do it different. He may feel like he can't do anything "right" so why try? I know how frustrated you are now, not resolving things, but give it some time. You have to figure out what's important, and what you can let go. All the stress is going to put a damper on intimacy, so try to set up a date with him to talk. (con't below)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:53 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • I know exactly what you are going through. I just wish I knew how to help. I am so sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • He's probably messing around on you and is taking his disgust of himself out on you.

    Get a private detective.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • (Con't) When you are on your date, (you won't have the distractions of home), try to keep things light (not a gripe session), and just reconnect with this man you fell in love with. What did you love about him? It's still there, but hidden under all the new responsibilites & pressures. The best gift you can give your daughter is a strong relationship between her parents, and she's worth it. Also, you won't believe how relaxed YOU will feel once you've had a date night out. Give yourself and him a break. You are still getting used to being parents. It will get better. Hang in there, you aren't alone. We are here to listen and help. Hugs!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:00 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • i posted the first anon reply and i want to thank doodlebopfan. Like I said I am having the same issues as the original poster and your comment was reassuring to me. Thank YOU
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • hey dont feel bad i know someone that can help you his name is God cried out for him and tell him how you feel and he will help you i recomend the movie Fireproof try watching it together. you know what you can also do try doing what you never have tried doing before.. ill pray for you and your marriage . blessings
    Hyde3

    Answer by Hyde3 at 2:47 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • me an dmy ex had the same issues u r haveing i eventual ended up leaving him b/c i couldnt take the fighting and the abuse any more. even now when we meet to pick up or drop my dd we fight about parenting and it really screws up the kid alot so we have kind of did thing this way my dd is at my house its my rules if she at his house its his rules but i hope it doesnt come to that for u i would try to get out of the house get into some momy and me classes if u can,go to the park if its close and meet other mom,i would also suggest parenting classes they r not counsleing but they help parent get inzinc with one another
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 11:33 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Before I got married in the Catholic church ( God isnt for everyone but, counseling is), they made us take this test to see if we were compatible, and the test covered sexual preferences, child rearing, money matters, and basic personality traits. This test is offered to everyone, Christian or not...I suggest more people start using it "BEFORE they get married" ( how many times have I said or read that today) so they dont have to worry about divorce. Would I have still married my husband if we failed that test? I might have tried counceling first, but probably not, if we couldnt get it right. Doesn't anyone question each other any more? Or do you all sleep together, have really good sex and decide to get married? it dont make sense. We are American born women (most of us) and we have a free choice, to be picky and follow good and bad signs. If it was an arranged marriage due to tradition I could understand why you didnt knowB4
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Jun. 20, 2009