Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

bratty teen advice please

I have two girls 16 and 12 and two boys 11 and 4. Me and hubby work during the day and the baby goes to the babysitter and my oldest three stay home. They all take care of their own needs. i buy them cereal and the microwavable dinners so they dont use the cook stove. Well my problem is my 16 year old thinks shes babysitting when they all help themselves. She always gripes about not getting paid for babysitting but she doesnt consider everything I do for her like busting my ass everyday so she can have food and nice clothes and everything else she needs. She gets a lot of things even if she doesnt deserve it. I just cant get her to understand that if I have to hire someone it will take all my money and she wont get the things that she wants. Any advice on this bratty teen of mine?

Answer Question
 
heavenlypeace

Asked by heavenlypeace at 9:24 AM on Jun. 20, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • At 16, she needs to learn to take responsibility for herself. YOU don't get paid for watching the kids, they are her sisters and brothers and she shouldn't get paid for watching them either. That is part of the "curse" of being the oldest child. Families work together and play together. If she can't work for free, then she can't "play" for free either. Take everyone else out to dinner and leave her at home or something. No one is ENTITLED to anything in this life. Live under my rules under my roof or go pay for your own.
    kustomkrochet

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 9:31 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • You dont need to pay her for helping out with the family, a family unit is suposed to work together to make sure everything is taken care of- I was the oldest of a family of 3 and I had to take care of my sisters for years.
    My ma got me a cell phone when I was 15 for my "work" though she probably would have gotten me one anyway-
    Does she have a cell phone, I would assume so, tell her that is her payment and if she doesnt want to help than she will start loosing the privilidges she already has.
    No child NEEDS a cell phone, you gave her one because you felt she deserved it.
    If she doesnt have one, try getting her one. Tmoble is a good company, it will let you moniter her texts, usuage, and mins she has so the bill is never a suprise and you can turn it off when she is being a bratt or add extra texts when she is helping out more.
    judith_visco

    Answer by judith_visco at 10:07 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • yes she has a cell phone and she does get it taken away for long periods of time and I have told her that it is her payment but she thinks she actually has to have money in her hand she also gets to go out and do things that the others dont get to do. She is very selfish and most of the time only thinks about her own self. she drives me crazy
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 10:29 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • thats a teen daughter!
    bottem line is YOUR the mom, SHE is the daughter/sister.
    You dont get paid for making there lunches/dinners taking them to school or play outings doing there laundry and such.
    infact my mother didn't even have TIME to do those things, I did them all, and got my sisters ready for school and feed in the morning and at night.
    Its part of being in a family, not just being the oldest sibbling.
    I would just say
    "bottem line is, your cell phone is your payment, if you dont like it get a part time job and pay for your own cell phone and whatever else you make is your business"
    Your the mama. Put your foot down.
    judith_visco

    Answer by judith_visco at 10:34 AM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Her attitude really is normal, I helped raise my sibling growing up and although at the time it was a pain I have sense grown up and realized that if I hadn't we would have done nothing and had nothing cause my mom needed to work. Sadly I had to grow up to see that. My mom however did pay me, it was ten dollars a week (this was 17 years ago) could you afford to offer 20 in hand plus the phone?

    But honestly I agree with the other mom's, she has a roof over her head and food in her stomach, that should be payment enough, but at the same time everyone likes a little something that shows they are appriciated.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 1:06 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Maybe give her a taste of what she thinks she wants. Is there any time of summer program that you could enroll your younger children in for a few weeks? Leave oldest DD out of things & when she asks for something, tell her no, that money went to the babysitter. She may find life is better when she watches her siblings.

    The other thing I would try is actually sitting down with her & doing the math. True, teens can be totally irrational, but maybe you could give it a shot. Call around & price sitters or summer programs. Then sit DD down & say, it would cost x dollars to hire a babysitter, what would you like to give up in your life to pay for that?

    Finally, I normally don't believe that kids should be paid to do things for the family, but are there any extra things she could do around the house to get the cash she craves? Good luck!!
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 4:57 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • The 11 and 12 year old can be home alone, and the 16 year old can get a job or take a Red Cross class and become a certified babysitter.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:45 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Tell her that per her wishes she is absolutely NOT the sitter... the 12 year old is, and she'd better cooperate with everything her younger sister tells her to do. Yea, goes over like a lead balloon, right? Point is... she's there, she's the most mature & responsible, but she's not irreplacable. I agree with rkoloms, she can get a job or do volunteer work. Anything RESPONSIBLE that leaves her sister in charge is fine (not friends, parties, movies, etc.) If she's not out helping others or working, then she should be home giving her time to her family. After all, that's what you're doing, right? That's what EVERYONE in a loving family does.
    cutiemoose

    Answer by cutiemoose at 9:13 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.