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Why don't anyone know what theyre getting into BEFORE they get married?

Before I got married in the Catholic church ( God isnt for everyone but, counseling is), they made us take this test to see if we were compatible, and the test covered sexual preferences, child rearing, money matters, and basic personality traits. This test is offered to everyone, Christian or not...I suggest more people start using it "BEFORE they get married" ( how many times have I said or read that today) so they dont have to worry about divorce. Would I have still married my husband if we failed that test? I might have tried counceling first, but probably not, if we couldnt get it right. Doesn't anyone question each other any more? Or do you all sleep together, have really good sex and decide to get married? it dont make sense. We are American born women (most of us) and we have a free choice, to be picky and follow good and bad signs. If it was an arranged marriage due to tradition I could understand why you didnt knowB4

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Jun. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Maybe a federal law should be made for this...maybe the divorce rate would go down
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • bcz people lie to get what they want - a piece of @$$, money from a partner, social status. I think self respect and respecting others, community needs to be taught in school year long. Also I've seen plenty of religious people blab peace, understanding yet won't talk not hello to a person of another race. If this stuff is only taught in premarital lessons, or on Sundays in church it's all forgotten afterwards for the most part. Bullying is all around and needs to be addressed all around.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • im not married yet but deffinately would be. It would be adding a part to our relationship that we both want but we already live together, do everything together, have good times and bad just like a married couple but without the actual ability to call him my husband...and its only because if I marry him I will lose my health, dental benefits which will also be used for our baby so we're waitiong until money is good enough to afford that on our own to get marrid.. but for ppl who have only lived with theur spouse a couple months before marriage or not at all I can see how it would be hard to maintain a good marriage because living with someone is a big wake up call because u learn all the little things about them...but u dont need counseling u need communication....

    if ur catholic takinga a quiz for compatibility I would assume since ur getting married u would already know that stuff about ur partner anyway..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • I don't know why a lot of women don't follow their hearts as well as their heads....I grew up around my hubby, we come from a small town and he was one of my brother's friends. He was a good kid and I knew that even though I wasn't interested in him until after high school. Shortly after graduation we started dating, then we lived together for a couple of years before we got married. Our 11th anniversary is coming up in a few months. I don't know if it was mostly luck that I got a "good" one, but I knew he was a settling down kind of man who was into family life.

    I think a lot of people just don't give enough time to build a relationship before marriage or give enough time to get to know someone before marriage....they just hurry into a marriage because the romance is so hot and strong - like it usually is in the early parts of a relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • I understand your thinking but even if people are told (alot of them are by family, friends) they will still get married. They think that things will change, that they can change the person, marriage will make it different, children will make it different.
    nateandlo

    Answer by nateandlo at 1:20 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • nope cuz people do lie and hide things unknown to many others. Some people like my husband grew up in family where the father is very quiet. He picked up on that but his siblings did not. But it's engrained in him in his formative years earlychildhood into adulthood that's how a man is. That has hurt us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Dh and I got engaged after 6 months of knowing each other but lived together for 1 1/2 years to make sure it would truly work. We talked about everything during that time and actually agreed on pretty much everything. Everything else we found a comprimise for. We don't try to change each other. We got to know each other's habits, good and bad, so there were no suprises. 10 years later we're still going strong. I think counseling is a good idea but women also need to get it out of their heads that they can marry a man and then "train" him or change him to their likeing.
    sadira29

    Answer by sadira29 at 1:22 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • My XH & I discussed all those things before we got married. Things change.

    Yes, I do believe a lot of people would benefit from knowing these things about their partner. It may or may not change whether or not they still want to marry that person.

    And while it may help the divorce rate some, it's not going to make divorce go away completely. There will still be other circumstances...
    KLBrown

    Answer by KLBrown at 1:27 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Anon 1:16..i'm already married the point of the quiz,like i said catholic or not, is not only to test for compatibility, but to bring up questions you might not have already thought of. My hubs and I answered questions that we hadn't thought to talk about in the way of child rearing and stuff..we just talked about it after the quiz to see if we could agree or at least compromise. We also had to go to a seminar about marriage that made us ask each other questions, and they also gave us questions that tested how well do we know our spouse. I found it very interesting, and it brought me and my husband closer, and we actually were really shocked on how well we knew and agreed with each other on pressing issues. it's an experience anyone considering marriage should have
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • There are a lot of basic things that are important to be compatible on that I'm sure the test covers - and I think it's a really good idea for couples to be in line on a lot of those things before they get hitched because love alone won't make a marriage work.

    At the same time, I know we can't ever fully know what we're getting into by our wedding day. There are so many things you still learn about yourself, your husband, and marriage in general that can only be learned through years of living it.
    mogencreative

    Answer by mogencreative at 1:38 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

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