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do you think this is unusual for mothers and daughters? age 13?

me and my daughter are extremly close. were more like sisters or best friends. don't get me wrong, i care for her and i watch out for her. and she isn't aloud to do things that could harm her. ect.. but me and her listen to music together go out to do things. she loves that she has a cool mom. that lets her and her friends cuss, and they stay home alone. we let boys come over. many people say she's too young. but i don't think that their is any age limit that you can have your teen doing things. she cusses, which some people don't approve? is it wrong i let her? she has been dating since she was around 11 or 12. is that wrong? she treats me with repect so i like to reward her. do you think i act too much like a sister? rather than a parent to my daughter?

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mommyofmarya

Asked by mommyofmarya at 4:32 PM on Jun. 20, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (43)
  • As long as she listens to you and respects you, I was too leniant with my dd but she started to disrespect me and things really took a turn for the worst.
    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 4:36 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Being close is fine. listening to music together, stuff like that is cool. My mom and I were always close. The cussing, dating, etc...sounds to me like you're being a great friend, but not being her mother. My PERSONAL OPINION is that I wouldn't do what you are doing, that you are leaving her open to do a lot of things that can get her in trouble. But, you're her mother, you have to do what you think is best.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:38 PM on Jun. 20, 2009


  • Friends are a dime a dozen, you usually only have two parents. Sometimes a kid only has one.

    You will probably regret your decision in the future.

    And let me tell ya, as another mother, you are the type of mother that I dread. I will be vigilant in knowing the type of parents my childs friends have and I will KNOW what goes on at their home.

    You are placing your child in situations (like dating at 11 or 12) that she may not be able to mentally handle at her age. Rewarding is one thing, letting her run hog wild is another.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • I don't know I mean it's good that she respects you but the fact that you let her do whatever she wants might turn around to be you in the ass later. She should definitely have more discipline in her life and not be allowed to swear. Sure she's going to do it at school around her friends but it should be a rule in your home not to swear. I guess it's okay to have boys over as long as their all supervised in the same room as you or another grown adult. I think you're letting her date too soon though, in my opinion. At 13 it's one thing, she's obviously going to have an interest in boys, but 11? She should be out having fun with friends and not worrying about relationships.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:41 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • Its wonderful that you are close and love each other but it sounds like being the cool mom is also letting her walk all over you a bit. I would not allow the boys to come over for more than a few hours and supervised only. A good compromise so you can still be cool to her but also you have to remember that if she gets raped by one of those boys or pregnant she won't think you're too cool for letting her do it then. She'll hold it against you. I know this happened to my cousin. You need to talk to her candidly about not sleeping with these boys and the things that could happen. Instead of that why don't you plan girls nights for the girls take them to the pool, movies, the mall, for manicures or whatever to where you can supervise but everyone has a good time and no trouble is being gotten in to. Cussing? I'd tell them to keep it to a minimum in public at the very least so that you don't offend people. A lot of kids cuss.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • All of my kids (I have 5 of them, ages 5 to 14) listen to music with me so I don't think that one is a big deal. They also love to shop with me or go to the mall & have a treat. I don't really consider that hanging out--rather just a special time with Mom & kids. Oldest DD (14) is allowed to be home alone but only for limited times & only on a very rare occasion will she have a friend over if we are gone & for a very short time only. When we are here, we are pretty open about friends coming over--girls or guys. But she doesn't get to have boys alone in her room with her. I think dating at 12 is WAY to young. I didn't date until I was 16 & it was still overwhelming. If you mean group activities when boys are present, I think that is ok (for example, DD went to the movies with about 10 girls & 6 boys & several other parents who were chaperones). But 1 to 1 dating is too much at that age, imo.
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 4:46 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • about the home alone thing, funnyface1204 the reasoning for that isn't just for her to stay home alone. it is work purposes we have a taxi buisness and we work nights.but we think she is too old for a baby sitter. she goes to the mall on nights we work until around 10 then stays home for a few hours. and the cussing at school isn't a problem for she is home schooled
    mommyofmarya

    Answer by mommyofmarya at 4:51 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • You'd better watch out mom, you'll be having a pregnant 14 year old on your hands. Not being mean, I am being serious.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • I wouldn't dream of letting my 12 yr old daughter date ,( our oldest is turning 17 and she's just now dating with limits) as for the cussing we know kids will do it and it goes on at school and other things for our daughters have at times let it slip , WE do not aprove of it ( we found that is disrepectful) I do feel I am a KOOL mom and my daughters enjoy spending time with me. We also believe in rewarding kids as well but I don't feel that a reward is letting a 12 yr old have aboy over. a reward would be getting to watch a movie they they been wanting to rent or having their favorit meal. I do agree with some other mothers , you will later regrate alot of this. ( sorry if it seemed harsh but you asked)
    Shaqbe4u

    Answer by Shaqbe4u at 5:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

  • my mom was like that when i was growing up! i had boyfriends but we were never alone we would hang out outside or the living room but never alone! me and my mom are still close i never did things that wasnt approved of because she gave me freedom! its ok to be a friend but still be a mom if she disrespects her freedom take it away but it seems like shes a happy kiddo so have fun with your girly!! there only young once!
    4lyfe56

    Answer by 4lyfe56 at 5:20 PM on Jun. 20, 2009

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