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should i be worthy enough for him to make sacrifices for?

Hi! My hubby and I separated last year for 6-7 months, he made a friend who is a girl(used to be my bf). Apparently he considers her a great friend but, I hate her and don't trust her. He constantly defending her and taking her side. Last night I told him he had to pick between her or me! He said I couldn't force him to pick! He said it was up to me to leave him but he wasn't going to stop being friends with her. So is my marriage over or it will soon be over ? What should I do? I'm tired of talking to him about how much this is hurting me.

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sailormoonjen85

Asked by sailormoonjen85 at 11:08 AM on Jun. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • He seems a little too attached to her for you to be wasting time on him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • By doing this, he just picked his relationship with her over his relationship with you. I'm thinking it's time to move on. He doesn't care that it's hurting you and doesn't respect your feelings. She has become more important to him.

    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 11:14 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Don't tell him anything until you talk it through with a counselor. It sounds like you need to decide between life with him and without him under these conditions. When you decide you may have a better life without the girlfriend in your marriage, you can move out. There's a slim chance he will change his mind if he knows you are serious but by then, you may be thinking you are better off on your own.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 11:14 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • By not making a choice he made his choice. He knows you will try to work things out with him if he is hanging around her. He told you he couldn't make the choice because he wants to be with her and knows you will break it off with him if he satys with her. He is a coward...I would move on.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 11:17 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • You probably sounded like a child throwing a temper tantrum to him and I guess he thought you were trying to manipulate him. Guys don't like that. You have told him how you feel now let it go. Quit pushing him away by bringing it up again. If you have concerns about their relationship then work on your own with him. Build it up. make him want you more than wanting to be friends with her. What does she do that you don't do (maybe listen to him without fighting?) Do the same thing. Win him back. No sacrificing just rearranging priorities. Every time you attack him on this subject you push him closer to her. Stop it. Vent here if you need to but don't do it to him. Enjoy every minute you are with him and when you talk to him. She does. That's what he likes, the not fighting, the enjoyment of having someone around who lightens up. Make him want that with you again. Take control of your life and maybe he'll want you more
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:20 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • That is BULL!! Leave his sorry a**! You need to move on and dont put up with that. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! There shouldnt even be a question he should respect you and not talk to her especially her being and ex. They had a relationship before so in my opinion that is inappropriate. It sounds like he could be cheating. You just need to get rid of him. Good luck. I had the same problem with my childs father I put up with it and put up with it I am telling you its nothing but a wate of time!! He will try to get you back but the same thing just happens over and over. Just leave him now save yourself the time and aggrivation. I am not with the guy anymore because He doesnt make sacrifices for me I felt un loved so I dont need that.
    HeidilovesNyla

    Answer by HeidilovesNyla at 11:22 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • To quote George Jones " Living and dieing with the choices Ive made"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • file for divorce and kick his ass out.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 12:31 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Just out of curiosity,why can't men and women be friends if you have a good relationship with the person you are with?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • By that, he just picked her over you. You can either accept their friendship or leave him. I, personally, would NOT be ok with it. Even if they're not doing anything physically, he's cheating on you emotionally and that is much worse. It's easier to break a physical affair than an emotional one. Like the one person said, talk to a counselor. If you decide you want to leave, have the papers drawn up and give him one last ultimatum(sp?). If he won't stop talking to her, set the papers in front of him with a pen. If he signs it, you know he wanted her the whole time. If he refuses, make sure he stops all contact, keep the papers incase he starts talking to her again. Just make sure you give him one last chance and make sure he knows it will be the last and if he screws up again, don't give him another chance.
    MarineWife1108

    Answer by MarineWife1108 at 2:20 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

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