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Husband is remaining neutral, why?

So I'm in a messy struggle with my ex husband to where I had no choice but to hire an attorney. My current husband see's all of the sh@# my ex puts my kids through. I have asked him to show a bit more interest in the situation since I've now retained a lawyer and it's important to document everything they say, etc. Mostly, I need my husband and my close friends to "back me up", and I'm not sure why, but I get the feeling all of my close friends and husband feel "bad" about the situation, and have even asked if there's something they can do, but, when I tell them, yes, you can write a letter about my parenting skills, these "close" friends keep brushing me off. Aren't "true" friends supposed to bat for you when the chips are down? And what about my husband, he's the one who suggested I take legal action to begin with and now, feels as if he's disappeared from my side and would rather not be "involved". What's up with that?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Jun. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Confront him with it, that's the only way you're going to get the answers your looking for.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • is it your ex's kids? that's probably a guy thing, he doesn't want to be a douche.

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:27 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • He's doing the right thing by standing back. Whatever is between you, your ex, and the children belong to that group. It doesn't belong to him. He would really end up being an interference really. He's doing the right thing.
    Friends? Well, perhaps they don't really think you're a good parent, and are hesitant to put it writing. People give alot of lip service.

    Answer by EireLass at 1:31 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • I would have SERIOUS problems with a husband who didn't openly support me.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 1:32 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Thanks Zakysmommy, this is my thinking too. He's all I got as both my parents are dead. I would go to the end of the earth to do whatever I could for him if he had to go through this with his ex wife for his son. Honestly, maybe I should keep my mouth shut around him and pretend everything is fine since he really doesn't care to be involved.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Your husband certainly should backing you up. Tell him if he won't back you up then you can't be with him. My husband stayed neutral through many things in our lives and that really hurt us. You have a right to get his emotional and moral support and physical and financial support too. Tell him if he can't back you up then he's no better than your first husband. Try counselling if he won't support you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • The funny thing is, his ex wife told me a long time ago that she filed for divorce from him because he was "emotionally unavailable". Now isn't that statement coming back to haunt me in my time of crisis?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Yes, it IS coming back to haunt you. But what exactly are you looking for from him? Men generally aren't good at "there there it will be all right"...and his getting involved in "fixing" the situation could merely make things worse.

    Standing back might be his safest stance.

    Remember...there is only ONE person you need for support and validation ALL YOUR LIFE. You see her in the mirror every day.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:58 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • some people dont want to have a hand in your marital issues...maybe their asking is there anything they can do besides get involved with ur marital issues...thats very touchy for sme especially if they know your ex they probably dont wanna be involved...

    also ur current husband may feel he's stepping over a boundary trying to get in between ur ex and his kids

    Answer by Dom123123 at 2:02 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Understand last two comments loud and clear, good advice but, my kids are my life, this issue going on between my ex and I is fully encompassing my life right now. This is where I'm at. If I cannot talk with my husband, or close friends about this trauma going on, I don't know what husbands and friends are for? Isn't life about the good, the bad, and the ugly? Not understanding why I must be "silent" in front of my own "family" and friends who I thought were my support system in a crisis. I'm in a crisis!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

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